Castles and Catch

Once there was a father who traveled with his son for miles. Each time they reached an obstacle such as a river or mountain, the father lifted his son on his shoulders and carried him through the difficult terrain. Finally, they came to their destination—a walled castle. But the gate of the castle was shut up, and there were only narrow windows on the sides of the wall. The father said to his son; “My son, up until now I have carried you. Now the only way we can reach our destination is if you will climb through the windows, and open the gate for me from within.” So it is… with parents and children and God. Parents take care of their children, feed and clothe them, and see them through all sorts of obstacles. Yet parents, who have so many strengths, often find the gate to God closed. But children have a special spiritual magic. They can climb to places their parents cannot reach. Children fling open the gates of heaven from within so that they and their parents can reach God together. - The Maggid (storyteller) of Dubnov As retold by Rabbi David Wolpe, Teaching Your Children About God A man once told the Kotzker Rebbe proudly, “I’ve gone through the Talmud three times.” (The Talmud comprises 5894 pages of intricate rabbinic discussions. To have read the entire corpus even once is a major accomplishment.) “Yes,” the rabbi replied, “but how much of the Talmud gone through you?” - Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel A book so full of words is like a teacher that you can carry with you. - Yonatan Becker, age 7 Introduction When my son was five and my daughter was two, I embarked on an unusual writing project, unsure where it would lead me. I was grieving for my mother’s death a few months beforehand, and both overjoyed and overwhelmed by the sweeping changes parenthood had brought to my life. I turned to the Torah for perspective and strength. In Jewish tradition, the Bible (called the Torah in Hebrew) is divided into sections for weekly reading. The reading cycle starts with Genesis in the fall, continues through the year until the end of Deuteronomy, and begins anew with the first line of Genesis. The spiritual claim of Judaism is that the portion read in a given week sheds light on the week’s events. As a rabbi, I repeatedly told congregants that the Torah portion for the week (called parasha in Hebrew) had a special message to impart at that moment. Then I shared the connection between the portion and their life. Yet, I had not explored this idea for myself. If the Torah portion for each week had insights for them, then maybe it had a message for me too. Perhaps, by viewing my life each week through the lens of the Torah portion, I would find guidance and healing. For the next year, I wrote a column every week for the Forward’s website for the full cycle of Torah readings from Genesis through Deuteronomy based on my parenting experiences. I also began to share the columns by email with a small group of family and friends which grew over time. Each week, these reflections helped me articulate the lessons I was learning through the daily delights and struggles of raising children. After the year of Forward articles concluded, I continued to write these reflections over the next few years. Some of those columns appeared on the website of the Jewish Journal and the Washington Jewish Week, as well as on my own blog at www.parentstorah.com. Other pieces, which were too private at the time to publish, served as a kind of spiritual diary. In this book, the columns are organized chronologically into “rounds,” moving through the cycle of the Torah three times. I tried not to change the columns so that they capture my feelings at a particular moment along this journey. Over the years, the Torah helped me savor the highs of parenthood and comforted me through the heartbreaks. The connection between my daily life and the Torah portion were striking, surprising, sometimes ironic or even comic. When my kids and I got lice on the week which describes the plague of lice in Exodus, or my husband had a skin infection on the week which details leprous skin diseases in Leviticus, I felt as though God was laughing at me, and saying: ‘If you want your life to be like the weekly Torah portion, be careful what you wish for!’ Overall, though, the writing brought me to a place of peace that I’d never known. Each week, after I went through the Torah portion, it went through me. As adults, we instruct children in so many life skills – how to catch a ball, ride a bike, or read a book. In the realm of the spirit, however, the children are the real teachers. With the key of Torah, my children unlocked the gates of my heart so God could enter. I hope that reading this book will help the Torah’s stories go through you too – to help you uncover the sacred within simple moments. I suggest several possible approaches of how to read this book. Since each column in this book was written separately, every piece stands on its own. Feel free to flip through randomly and read any reflection to find what’s meaningful to you at a given moment in your life. The book moves through the yearly cycle of Torah reading three times. If you would like to read each week, corresponding to the weekly Torah portion, an index of the Torah portions is provided at the end of the book – as well as an index of holidays for those looking for reflections on a special occasion. Or you can read straight through the book. When read in order, this journal chronicles experiences over time, showing how questions raised by caring for children evolve through the years. Each fall, at the conclusion of the Torah, the reader immediately starts again at the beginning. Likewise, the process reflected in this book does not end when these pages conclude. I hope that you will visit my website at www.ilanagrinblat.com or my blog at www.parentstorah.com where you can add your email address to receive occasional reflections from me and contact me to offer your ideas and responses. I would love to hear from you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I can only hope that reading this book will help you cherish the spiritual lessons that the children in your life teach you.