Wake Up, Grow Up, Show Up
Poems from Rehab to Recovery
by
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December 27, 2012, 3:25 a.m. A BAD WINTRY MIX Addiction and Manic Depression, much worse than a bad wintry mix. Impulse Control is a problem. I snap, and mmmmmh, what a bitch. An uncontrollable asshole, with unforgiveable thoughts. Hurtful beyond recognition, forgetting just WHO is the boss. My ego and addict are one now, a force when teamed together. Each day I stay sober they fight for my conscience, A mean nasty bad motherfucker. They team up against me, I’m screwed. Evil always wins over good. I forget that God’s on my side, like every good addict could. I relax, get lazy, stop praying. Healing goes right out the door. My ego gets fed like steroids. My mean side grows more and more. I thought by 5 years sober, I’d be ALL OVER this bitch. Apparently NOT…..still, an asshole, can creep up from out of the mist. Like a deadly storm out of nowhere, that causes the wrecks on the road; I struggle with good versus evil. My filter forgets to show! So, how can I fix this? I lose sleep, for weeks and weeks on end. My ego is winning. ADDICTION’S JUST WAITING! Making me think it’s my friend. I’ll fight all the demons with God’s help, and friends and family too. I lean on my sponsor with all of my might. I’m sorry if I hurt you. My temper can take down an army, without even being armed. The only WEAPON I need is my TONGUE, and it is mighty STRONG. It has no edit button when it is seeing RED. My anger - UNFORGIVEABLE. The words just shoot out of my head. They annihilate the strongest ones, they go for the generals first. They go right for the JUGULAR. Why does evil have so much girth? Why ask, “Why?” Just fight it, every step of the way. Squash the character defects. Know they’ll never go away. I need to pray for myself now, and those that I have harmed. And arm myself with recovery so no one is alarmed. Fight off the demons and ask God for help. Remember Him? He is in charge. This land is his land, not mine…………my ego forgets………..it’s so large. 1) So, I really will try to put it in check, 2) Fight harder every day. 3) Ward off the impulse or it will run wild. GOOD MUST WIN OVER EVIL TODAY! 4) I’ll ask God for forgiveness. 5) No one can change the past. What’s done is done, I’ll sleep now. 6) I’ll pray for a clean, sober path.
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About the Book
My handwriting is not the only thing that suffered in the throes of my addiction, but it was a physical indication and a perfect metaphor of what my life was like. It was extremely messy and impossible to read. Impulse control was gone, and insanity had consumed my soul. The poems in this book outline the progression of one addict’s recovery throughout the rehabilitation process emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My hope is that any addict or alcoholic will know that recovery is possible. There is hope for a better life.
About the Author
B. Anonymous is an addict in recovery. Twenty years of smoking marijuana led to using powder cocaine, which progressed to abusing crack cocaine for another ten years. After a total of thirty years of drug abuse and a family intervention, rehabilitation was a matter of life or death. The author shares the unedited versions of poems that were written in chronological order from the author’s rehabilitation into recovery to let fellow addicts know there is hope for them to recover.