Among the Dimes

He caught me in a weak moment, at least that’s what I was telling myself. It was the end of a long Sunday cooped up in the house. I’d helped Karalynn do a little cleaning, but by and large, Sunday was rest day in the McIntire household, and I simply was not comfortable enough with them to lounge around in the living room watching TV. Nor did I have a desire to sit around in the kitchen partaking in the mindless snacking that seemed to be a favorite pastime around here. I hadn’t spoken to Jason since that day we went riding, so his entertaining me as he had the weekend before was out of the question. It was the only time in my life I ever remember wishing I were working. I took a long nap, cleaned the room I was staying in, and spent so much time perusing my friends’ Facebook pages that I became scared for our future generations. So when Sean called that evening, I was finally ready to talk to him and more than ready for a distraction. “I miss you, baby,” was the first thing he said when I picked up. “I’m learning a lot,” I offered. “Like how much you miss me?” “Like the difference between a cow and a heifer.” I ignored the bait with which he was trying to lure me. Even though I wasn’t so much mad at him anymore as I was hurt, I was far from ready to forgive and forget. “And you know what I found out? If a heifer is unable to have a calf, they make hamburger out of her. And they do the same with cows that are too old. That’s what would happen to me if I were a cow. I would be someone’s dinner. They’re called culled cows. I’m a culled cow.” Sean laughed a little bit, but when he realized I wasn’t laughing, he stopped. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to laugh.” Maybe it was his sympathy toward me, or maybe it was a bout of homesickness for him, but I burst into tears then. “You okay?” he asked softly “No. Yes. I don’t know.” I sniffed. “Everything is so hard here. And they’re not very nice to me.” “I told you this was a bad idea, Brooke. Just come home. We’ll figure all this out.” I opened my mouth to agree with him, but stopped short. Going home, back to the life I’d once had, sounded so appealing. I could go back to the way things used to be, before I had to worry about anything, before I had to reexamine everything that was important in my life, before my world turned upside down and I was forced to admit that what we had wasn’t actually working. “Brooke?” he prompted. “Just come home. No good can come of you being there. You don’t belong there.” I said nothing, mostly because I agreed with him. Still, the answer wasn’t that easy. “Honey?” he prompted again. “I just want to make sure you’re happy. You mean everything in the world to me, and I just miss you so much I can barely stand it.” This comment only made me cry harder. Up to that point, I’d done a pretty good job of staying busy, of distracting myself from the fact that I was here, as well as the reasons for my presence. “I miss you, too,” I finally said. “So come home.” “That wouldn’t solve anything, Sean. We’d go right back to where we were.” “We can fix it. If you won’t come back, at least let me come see you.” “Come here? You want to come here?” Picturing Sean on the ranch was almost as foreign as picturing myself on the ranch. “Six months is too long to wait. Charlie and Chase are coming to visit in March, and I bought a ticket to come, too.” “Oh.” I wasn’t sure having him come here was the best idea, especially because separating myself from him was the reason I was here. But he’d already bought the ticket and hearing his voice had caused a stir deep within my belly—or my heart…and other parts of me. Even though I didn’t quite know what to make of him coming to see me on the ranch, I at least didn’t hate the thought of him being here. I fell into a routine in those four weeks leading to the day Sean was scheduled to arrive at the ranch. I woke up at six each morning, did chores, cleaned stalls and/or other areas of the barn, and used Tag. Being totally unaware that I’d overheard him talking about me to his friend and not knowing I wanted to use my (well, Charlie’s) cowboy boots to kick something other than manure, Tag tried to continue our flirting as though he was still going to close the deal. After my initial reaction of hurt and anger, however, I decided the best way to handle the situation was to get even, i.e., to continue to let Tag think helping me with chores was going to score him enough points to end up in bed with me. I’d given him enough of a taste of what was (back then) in store for him to follow me around like an eager little puppy dog, one that knew a hell of a lot about ranching and could really work a shovel. “You know, Brooke, you never did have that beer with me after work,” he said one Friday afternoon after he finished helping me lay down straw in all of the stalls. It was nearly dark outside. We’d worked a little later than normal, not because we wanted to be around each other, but because it had just been one of those days. “Oh.” I smiled and gave a helpless shrug. “I guess I could sneak over there a little later.” “You should probably do that.” He winked. “The door will be unlocked. Just let yourself in. I’ll be waiting.” Yes, yes you will. I’d always heard men were interested in one thing, but here was my living proof. I did spend a lot of time and energy on my looks so they wouldn’t go unnoticed, and I certainly did like feeling physically appreciated by a man, but knowing that Tag just so blatantly disregarded everything about me except my looks was a huge wake-up call for me. Sure, I was vain about my looks, but there was more to me than that, wasn’t there? “You look unusually pensive,” came a voice behind me as I was walking to the main house. Jason. “Oh, hey.” I ignored his probing words. I could only imagine the kind of teasing I’d get from him if I told him what I’d overheard Tag say. Besides, even though I was telling myself Tag was way off base with what he’d said about me that day, a large part of me was still sensitive about it. I wasn’t ready to have a discussion regarding my positive attributes with Jason, not when there was a very real chance he would agree with Tag. “That bad mood of yours still following you around?” he asked. “No. Is that why you haven’t been around for a while?” “Nah. You don’t have that kind of power. I’ve been distracted. You know how it is.” He winked. I was guessing what had caught him up had something to do with the lipstick I saw a faint trace of on his collar. “You want to go grab a burger and sit in the hot tub tonight?” “That sounds awesome.” I briefly wondered how long ago his distraction left, because that lipstick looked fairly fresh. “All right. Why don’t you just come over to my house when you’re ready?” “Why don’t you just wait for me? You know I don’t drive those trucks.” “Ever thought about learning?” “Why? There’s always someone around to do it for me.” I winked at him as we walked in the back door. It began to snow even before we finished our burgers, and by the time we made it to the hot tub, there was almost an inch of fresh powder on the ground. As cold as the snow was, as much as I didn’t think I’d ever get used to how dangerous it made both driving and walking, I had to admit that it was crazy beautiful. I tilted my head back and stared up into the night sky. The big, lazy snowflakes highlighted by the full moon, combined with the warm water surrounding my body, made me feel like I was floating away in a sea of tranquility. “You look peaceful,” Jason said, his voice bringing me away from that beautiful reverie, back to the reality that I was in the middle of nowhere, Colorado, and had probably just gained five pounds because I’d topped off an entire order of burger and fries with an Oreo shake. “I’m kind of enjoying the snow. I mean, it’s not so bad when you don’t have to work or drive in it.”