Finding (My)Self (Love)

Weathering Cyclone Ita Last night as we arrived into Emu Park we were told the unfortunate news that Cyclone Ita made landfall just South of Cairns and we would not be taking the following day to drive to Airlie Beach to get to the Whitsundays. Thankfully the storm was downgraded from a category four to a category one, but the rains and winds are expected to stay for at least the week. Nobody knows at this point if we will get a chance to see Long Island or the Whitsundays, but there's nothing else that can be done at this point but to sit and wait out the storm. Our Plan B for the day was to check out a local crocodile farm, try their meat, and then finish the day off doing a little bit of shopping. The crocodile farm was fun. They had a few crocodile eggs ready to hatch, and we were able to witness one of the eggs hatch and send out the new baby. We then walked around the farm as the owner fed each one a quarter of raw chicken. Once we were back inside everyone had a chance to hold one of the older babies. There was no avoiding being drenched. The rains just kept falling and falling all day. I don't know if I will ever be caught in an actual tropical storm, but if this is just the tail end of one, I hope I never have to endure the full event. There are only a couple of things in my life that I would say I have an unfinished love story with. One of them will be Australia. I have had such an amazing time here, and have seen some of the most beautiful country sides and met some absolutely amazing people. It will be incredibly unfortunate if the storm prevents our group from seeing the Whitsundays, but if it's not meant to be, that's okay. I will have a reason that I must return to Australia. But for now we go with the waves. My Unfinished Love Story The thing about unfinished love stories is there is no point in overthinking the days. I have always been an over-thinker. I will allow my thoughts to spin out of control and cause me to see the worst case scenario of situations as the likely outcome. I will then start to act on my worst thoughts despite the likeliness of it actually happening or not. That's when things can really get messy for me. Once I get to the point where I've spun my thoughts into the worst it can be incredibly difficult to talk myself off that ledge. I compensate by making large decisions that will dramatically change my life. Some of these decisions are for the best, like coming on this trip, but others lead to unfinished love stories. My second unfinished love story is the one I think about daily. I have had every thought under the sun about it, and the best answer I come to it is to let it be. A lot of things can change and develop while I am away. I've recently had so much anxiety about all the things that could be possible: maybe he meets someone else, maybe he gets into a relationship, maybe I never hear from him again, or maybe I will always have the regret of travelling over being in love, maybe, maybe, maybe. It gets so bad sometimes I want to cry and get sick. My stomach turns in so many directions that I don't even know where to start. And since being on this trip, a new answer starts to come. The first step is to talk myself off that ledge. How can I react to something that is not even determined to be a fact? I need to learn to react to only what I know, and then take it as each day. I need to remember that an unfinished love story is just that - a love story. There will be an ending. Maybe it will end with us never ending together. He does meet someone new, and he is happier than he's ever been, and that would warm my heart because he deserves that. Or maybe I will learn and grow so much that when I get back that I am in a much better spot for the love that he gives me. I am ready to accept the life we build together as opposed to trying to move it in a direction that is forced. I am better prepared for a lifetime with him. Or maybe it's a combination somewhere of the two. But it's all maybes. And I need to learn that all possibilities are likely, not just the worst case scenarios. And if it wasn't meant to be, then that's okay. There will be some type of ending to this love story; I just need to go with the waves.