Wasted Time

As I was thinking about meeting my first assigned guests, there was a knock on my office door. “Hey, Jemma, are you ready for group?” Levi asked, with a bright smile. He had dark curly auburn hair and blue eyes, a medium frame, and stood about 6’ 3”. “Hey, Levi. Yes, I’m ready. What are you planning for group today?” “Well, we’ve been covering each guest’s story. This is the second group for Justin and Angus. Lexa had them in group last night.” “I was off last night. Was Lexa supposed to contact me about last night’s group?” Levi took the seat across from my desk and replied, “Usually she does, let’s take a minute to look. I’ll show you if you have time now?” “Sure.” “Here’s the e-mail,” Levi began as he pulled it up on his iPad, “Unfortunately, she only e-mailed me. For some reason you weren’t cc’d.” “How did it go?” “Lexa wrote: ‘I see no problems. Angus sure likes to monopolize the conversation. It takes a bit of time getting used to his accent.’ That’s about it, not much to go on, huh?” “No,” I said, “What about Justin? He seemed a bit angry and reluctant to come when I spoke with him on the phone. What about him?” “He’s been asking about you. They both have, actually.” “Great. I can’t wait to meet them and start their therapy. How do you want to handle my role in group today?” “Chime in whenever, that’s my best suggestion. Remember, several in the group aren’t too happy about being here, Justin for one, and Markus is another. He’s one of my guests. I’ll tell you more about him after group; that is, if you don’t catch on about him in group, first.” “Roger,” I said. “Anything else I should know?” “I’m going to directly challenge anyone who speaks today. I want them to feel uncomfortable—to squirm.” I nodded, understanding his approach. “I want them to feel affronted and see who caves, who supports, and who stands up to me, but no good cop/bad cop, just be supportive of the process. OK?” he said. “I like pushing buttons too,” I said. “It works quite well, especially if we accomplish it without the guests being aware of it.” “When you do it right, it really helps demonstrate issues. The more you can push, the closer you get to the truth behind the use,” Levi said. “Anything else special about this group? Are you covering anything specific?” I looked down and organized the notepad I used for comments during group. I was curious if he’d be open to trying my newly approved idea from Muir Woods. “No, this one is the standard challenge: their addiction, their anchors, you know,” he stood, poised to leave. “Levi,” I said suggestively, waiting for him to look back at me as he was almost through my door. “Yes?” He stopped and turned to face me. I then took the next few minutes to explain my hike and my idea for the new technique. Learning something about each member that no one else knew, not other group members, not their friends, spouses, family, not even their assigned therapist. “I like this idea of yours. We could use it with my pushing them to share a story no one knows. I think that might work out great, and if you and I take great notes, perhaps after sharing we can discover their secret truths?” “I’m glad you like it,” I said with my lined yellow notebook in hand, pencil sharpened and ready for group. “I’ll be the heavy and push, and you ask for the story. We’ll see what happens. Good job, Jemma, good job.” He headed out the door. “Thanks.” I entered the group room, nodding to those folks who gave me direct or discreet eye contact. Smiling, I took a seat in the large circle of chairs. I figured if I was out of place, best to be put in place than be completely unaware and out of place. If I was, that would help with the plan for the day. I set my bottle of water on the floor and laid my lined yellow pad in my lap. Soon more people began to enter and take seats in the circle. People smiled at me. I smiled back. I felt like I should be wearing a Hi-My Name Is tag. I was uneasy and nameless—that could be beneficial. Names could wait, first impressions could not. Levi sat directly across from me, half a group away, sharing the group circle with me. I cleared my mind. I was ready for the journey. I knew it was going to be enlightening. I noted the mixture of the group was approximately 70% men. I heard Angus when he was in the hallway, his accent was unmistakable. No one spoke once they entered the room. It was a little bit like the growing audiences at a wedding or a funeral; there were awkward moments when you didn’t know if you should acknowledge someone, cry, or silently take your seat. At 9:09 a.m. exactly, Levi started the group by reciting the Serenity Prayer from AA. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” As he spoke, he was joined periodically by other members, and soon by the entire group. I hadn’t recited the prayer in quite some time. I rarely had time for AA meetings anymore. In saying those words once again, I was catapulted back to my time in Vegas, where I was starting down the right path.