Under the Blood

Whenever we have heavy rain storms, which is often in Southwest Florida, the calls go off the charts. As a cop, working the road, I was used to responding to car accidents, but the crazies seemed to come out in the rain. Domestic calls were at a peak and every cop dreads that call. You never know what you will find when you show up at someone's home. People are in a state of anger. Tempers are raging in situations like this and most times, drugs or alcohol is present. Some are suicidal and don't care what happens because they rather be dead but the real danger is in those who want to die but are too cowardly to kill themselves. So they shoot and kill the cop who shows up on the call knowing he will be shot by the fallen officer’s brothers. Suicide by Cop is what it is called. I've done dozens and dozens of domestic violence calls, I had seen things on one could ever imagine so when I got the call that rainy spring night, relived it wasn't a domestic but a bar fight.
"Officer Landon, proceed on 41 south. Burtons Bar, complaint from the owner about possible gang activity going on in the parking lot."
I knew the dispatcher. She was the wife of a fellow cop.
"Oh what a surprise, something going on at Burtons." I said jokingly. I had been called out there numerous times and so had other cops. This bar was notorious for fights, drugs dealings, and gangs. Why they weren't closed down, no one could figure out.
'I'm pulling in now."  
"Careful Officer, possible gun shots reported."
'Will do...." I jumped out of my squad car and started to approach a group of people standing in front of the bar. The wind picked up and the rain fell heavy making it hard to see clearly. "Police, what seems to be going...." The first gun shot rang sharp in the night. The group scattered and I drew my weapon. Calling for backup, I swung around trying to see where the shot came from but it was only seconds before a succession of shots rang out. The rain made the night even darker. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't see who was shooting at who. I noticed shadows coming from around a parked car. I stepped out with my gun pointed and shouted, "Police!  Let me see your hands! Get on the ground, on the ground now!" It seemed like the sky broke open at that moment allowing the rain to come down even harder making visibility almost impossible. More gun shots now coming from the other end of the parking lot...I was surrounded by gunshots but couldn't see the shooters. Then everything started to happen in slow motion. I heard my voice yell, "Police... stay down! “Things started to spin...this had never happened to me before. I never experienced what I was witnessing. Fear. Fear comes in all shapes and forms and this fear came in slow motion. The gun shots rapidly heard were getting closer. Hearing sirens, I knew help was on the way. I wiped the rain out of my eyes. In the moments I waited for backup, all movement stopped. What flashed through my mind was I don't want to die without telling Mattdrea how much I love her. I didn't want to die without letting her know we should be married and have the children we planned. I didn't want to die before I confused to her what I did.
After my shift was over, I drove straight to Mattdrea's house on Kingsley Lane. It was almost dawn. The rain had finally tapered off. She answered the door immediately, like she was expecting me. She gently pulled me in and with no words spoken; she walked me to her bedroom. She held me close until I feel asleep. Upon waking, we were spooned together, my arms holding her tightly. Realizing what awakened me, I felt tears drip on my arm. At first, thinking they were my tears and then realizing they were not.
No words were ever spoken that night. She just knew.
The guilt laid heavy on my heart but the silence said the words we didn't.
I love you Drea....forever and ever.
Love you too, Luke, forever and ever.
The line that was crossed could never to be erased. I had to learn to live my life without Mattdrea and that would be done through Rachel. At the time, I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it.