"The Journey of I & I"
[The Definition of I & I]
by
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To this day I cannot comprehend how a small and innocent child can be sexually abused and violated for years, in the family home, and not one member of her immediate family ever purported to know or was even aware that something was terribly wrong. Not a hint of suspicion on their part seemed apparent. Fear, shock, disbelief and verbal threats kept me, the child, quiet, suffering in horrendous silence. Fear, shock, shame, anger and a fundamental lack of trust towards other people, kept me, the adult, silent. Years of hidden turmoil and suppressed suffering would ultimately culminate in years of anguish and several attempts at suicide, the first serious attempt being at the tender age of twelve years of age. Even at that minor age, when the stolen tablets failed to offer death, I convinced myself that I was meant to suffer in order to be there to protect them. 'Them' meaning my siblings and even to some extent, my parents. I survived by simply telling myself repeatedly that I was there to protect my mother, who suffered beatings after beatings. When the memories refused to fade or go away and the associated pains of all those memories forced all the nightmarish flashbacks to the surface, it only served to enforce my determination to seek eternal peace so that I would be rid of those nauseating and frightening times. Suicide. Such a final act. Such a desperate act. To me, suicide was my only choice of redemption against the evil that had pervaded my life for so many dark years. Freedom from pains and all the unbearable childhood memories was my only option of release. I wanted so desperately to feel normal and untainted. I longed to feel untouched and clean. What served to make the hurt more unbearable, was the knowledge that had my father put his family first and foremost before his selfish 'comforts' and his need for alcohol to the point of being paralytic and of no use to anyone, he would have been aware and sober enough to both save and protect his daughter: ME. He should have protected me from all of that crap. Not one of them tried to help me or to shield me. Why did they not stop the abuse and help me? Better still, why did they not just kill the bastard who was responsible for inflicting such heinous pains upon me? Black eyes, swollen lips, bruises and eyes filled with fear plus me being abused and interferred with on a regular basis - that was the sum of my total childhood.
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About the Book
The Journey of I & I is a raw yet powerful account of a tragic and horrendous childhood endured by Liz, an ordinary child growing up in extraordinary circumstances. Readers are taken on a journey of unfathomable lows and motivating highs as they find themselves turning the pages wanting to simultaneously help the main character, Liz, wanting to rescue her, embrace her, cry and laugh with her. It is primarily a tale of survival and determination as the Author invites readers to accompany Liz on her life's journey. Despite its initial subject matter of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence, it is a tale also interspersed with humour and laugh out loud moments. It is a story of the dynamics of her relationships at every turn of her life. Its a story of chaos and drama and as one reader wrote: 'I read a story and I was there. I read a story of sadness, hope and of courage and laughter and I was there. I read of horror and betrayal and I was there'. It is a journey of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual healing achieved through a returned journey re-commencing from her birth. It is a story that had to be written and told in order for Liz, the main character, to validate and make sense of her dramatic emergence into this world and of her life. A story that was inspired by her courage to retrace her steps back into horrific darkness and pain. It is ultimately a story that will help and inspire others who suffered or suffering in similar circumstances. It is a story of HOPE. “Powerful and Inspirational are definitely words that describe both you as an individual and as a writer. I will be first in line to buy your book and to have it signed personally by you. I could not be more proud of you. I have always said that you are the most inspirational and talented person with words and much more and I am truly grateful for any time I get to speak with you and hear your words. I am so glad and happy that your words will be read by so many now.” – R.W. – Army Military Employee “Your style of writing is extremely powerful and inspiring. Your story is so well written and descriptive that there is no doubt that this story will go a long way to helping others who have been through or who are currently experiencing similar situations and circumstances. Our one regret is that we did not sign you up first!” – Dorrance Publishing Team Member The Journey of I & I has already won numerous Awards since it has been published, voted by readers and the public on a global level. Awards: REEBA Outstanding Accomplishment Award. Back2Black BAFTA Inspirational Award BEFFTA Best Author Award. Lift Effects Extraordinary Lady Speaks Inspirational Star Award Lift Effects Extraordinary Lady Speaks Inspirational Star of All Stars Runner Up Award REEBA Best Counsellor of the Year Award Leadership Mind Ambassadors International Most Creative Female Author of the Year Award Lift Effects Top 100 Inspirational Women Star Award Geraldine's Pearl Inspirational Woman 2016 Award Nominated for Inspiration of the Year BEAM Award 2016 Nominated for Author of Colour BEXLIVE Award 2016
About the Author
Jah siSTAR [Pen Name]. Born in Erith Kent, London in the 1960's.. Moved to live with her parents and siblings in SE London when she was two years old. She is the second youngest of eight children, although for the majority she grew up with only one older brother and a younger sister. She has three older brothers and one older sister who still reside in the West Indies. Her other two older sisters also grew up in Jamaica but now live in England. The author is a divorcee with two biological children, a step-mum to eight and a step-grandmother of three. She first started writing at a very young age - commencing with poetry and short stories. She has always had a passion for writing and is well known to be passionate about her craft. She has eight O Levels and four CSE academic qualifications inclusive of A Level English. She attended Brixton and North London Colleges and has a Diploma in Creative Writing and also a Diploma in Counselling. She currently resides in SE London with her teenaged son. Her interests and hobbies include: music, reading, sports and working on a voluntary basis with disadvantaged youths and cancer patients in the capacity of mentorship and giving support. She has been partially disabled for many years but strives on a daily basis to maintain her independence and limiting mobility. She is pro-active in highlighting the plights of missing loved ones of colour who are, unfortunately, not afforded equal or non-bias media coverage when they go missing [fb page: WE HAVE LOVED ONES MISSING TOO]. She has always been known as an advocate for justice in all capacities for all peoples. 'The Journey of I & I' is her first published novel, written initially as a form of therapy after surviving domestic violence and childhood abuse as a young child growing up.