Is That Your Cousin in the Closet?

CHAPTER 1 Edna Barnes and Edith Johnson disembarked their plane from Miami at the Chicago Airport early that Thursday morning eager to go to work. For days they had looked forward to solving their first case as official, licensed, Private Investigators. They had just spent the last 5 days enjoying the Florida sunshine and spent some time with the two gentlemen they had met while on a stakeout in Milwaukee the month prior. Edna and Edith were sisters in their late fifties and early sixties, both petite and attractive women. They had worked as secretaries and part-time sleuths for B&E Investigations in Chicago in the 1980s and ended up falling in love with and marrying the partners who owned the company. Edna was married to Bill Barnes and they had one daughter, Ellen, who was once married to Roger Dawson, the Vice President of Dawson & Dawson, Attorneys at Law in Chicago. Ellen’s husband had a Mistress and they had devised a plan to swindle Ellen out of a fortune, until her mother and aunt stepped in and exposed his efforts to defraud her. She, in turn, used some of the money she received in her divorce settlement to set up her mom and aunt with their own private detective agency, E&E Investigations. Edith married Bill’s partner Eric Johnson and they had two children. Eddie is 31, single, and is a Police Officer with the Hammond Police Department. Eddie lives nearby and is a stickler for the law and sometimes has a problem with the unorthodox ways Edith & Edna obtain their information. He frowns on their breaking and entering and illegal recordings and is constantly chastising them, to no avail. They now tell Eddie that all of their information was found lying in the street right in front of them. Edith’s daughter Elaine lives in California with her husband, David, and their young daughter, Elizabeth. Edith and Elaine talk on the phone regularly, but rarely see each other unless one of them makes the trip. The two sisters have gained a lot of experience in the private investigation field since they both had worked for the agency for many years and took part in many of B&E’s cases. They enjoyed the adrenaline rush they got from this line of work. They loved being back on stakeouts and investigating, and it made them both realize that this is what they should be doing with their lives. No more sitting home a prisoner to daytime TV’s Lets Make a Deal and Judge Judy. Since both of their husbands had passed away, they sold their homes and pooled their money and purchased a new double wide mobile home in a senior mobile home park near Edna’s daughter, Ellen, and Edith’s son, Eddie. They loved living in God’s waiting room and enjoyed the amenities offered to them by the park. Their home was quite large, with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room, kitchen, laundry room and family room. There’s plenty of room for the two of them plus guests, when needed. And it turns out that the extra room is needed quite often thanks to their good hearts and excellent detective work. Once the plan to defraud Ellen had been discovered, the girls took advantage of being senior citizens and were able to snoop around without drawing any attention to themselves. Who’d ever think that two women in their late fifties and sixties would be spying on them? So when the bad guys made mistakes, the ladies were right there to catch those mistakes. As a result of the ladies spying on Ellen’s husband they inadvertently ended up solving three cold case murders, a current murder, and two attempted murders and loved every minute of it. It was quite a feather in their caps. Edna and Edith walked briskly into their new office eager to go to work on their first official case. Edna’s daughter, Ellen was sitting at the front desk. “Good morning, ladies. How was Miami?” “It was wonderful!” Edna quipped with a wide grin. “Yeah, it was pretty awesome!” Edith added smiling. “Okay! So who are Julia and Lorraine?” Ellen asked. “Our alter egos.” Edna said with a mischievous look on her face. “I don’t think I want to go there.” Ellen decided after watching her mother’s expression. “No. Not a good idea, my dear.” Edna chuckled. “Actually they’re the names we used when we first met the Miami Misters in Milwaukee.” “Okay, I’m not going to go there either. Julia? Or is it Lorraine? Are you ready to go to work? I have your cousin Elmo coming by in 20 minutes.” “Good job, Ellen.” Edith said. “We’re ready and raring to go.” The ladies were tinkering around their offices changing things to better suit their needs when Elmo came through the door. He looked at Edna and Edith and announced loudly, “Wow! Somebody got some serious sun this weekend!” “Miami!” Edith said cheerfully. “We spent a few days there with friends. We just got back this morning.” “Well you look great! It suits you both!” “Come on in and sit down, Elmo. It’s good to see you.” Edith said as they hugged and she ushered him through the door into Edna’s office. “Tell us what’s going on.” Elmo Guardini stood about 5’6”. He always wore a blue slouch hat to try to cover the fact that his hairline was receding and he called it his American Express hat. He never left home without it. He was on the paunchy side and always wore loose fitting pants, which made it appear that he had just lost about 50 pounds and hadn’t yet bought a pair of pants that fit his new physique. He actually looked a bit like Mario in the video game of the same name. He sat down in the chair opposite Edna. “It’s my daughter, Rosie.” Cousin Elmo started. “She’s dating this really sleazy looking guy, Butch something or other, and I’m worried about it getting too serious. I wanna know who this guy is and find out if he’s even half as sleazy as I think he is. He supposedly works for some security company as a security guard.” “Don’t those companies have strict guidelines on who they hire?” Edith asked. “Yeah. I thought they ran extensive background checks before they hired someone.” Edna added. “I don’t know, maybe if he applied over the phone. But I just can’t see how they would hire him after meeting him. I mean, he looks like trouble, and he sounds like trouble!” Elmo answered. “Do you know where he lives?” Edith asked. “No. I don’t have many conversations with the guy, and Rosie doesn’t know either, thank goodness. At least that’s what she says, anyway.” “How old is Rosie now?” Edith asked. “She turned 21 a couple of months ago.” Elmo said proudly. “Wow! She’s already 21? What ever happened to the time?” The ladies were surprised to find out how old Rosie was. The last time they saw her at a family reunion she was about 12 years old, which reminded them, it’s time for another family reunion. “How long has she been seeing this guy?” Edith inquired. “She met him when she went out with the girls to celebrate her 21st birthday. He was one of the security guards at the event.” Elmo answered. “Do you know how old he is?” Edna asked. “I only know he’s over 21.” “Do you know when she’s going to see him again?” Edna asked. “No, I don’t.” Elmo said sadly. “She leaves the house and I don’t know where she’s going. She’s 21 now and I don’t have any right to ask her anymore. And believe me, that’s a tough thing to do! She’s our only kid and it’s really hard to watch them grow up and go off on their own. I just want her to be safe. But you know kids. They think they know it all and we parents don’t know squat.” “We understand that. You can’t tell her not to see this guy, she’s going to see who she wants to see and you have no say in it.” Edith said understandably. “Do you still live at the same address, Elmo?” Edna asked.