I Stumbled Upon a Jewel

Farewell to a Samurai Margaret Petersson Anger and I have had a life- long relationship. Anger is a powerful ally, an emotional samurai to protect me from danger and pain. Like the samurai, anger is ever vigilant, sleeping with the proverbial one eye open to ward off attack. The attack may come in the form of disappointment, conflict, frustration, resentment, criticism, rejection, confrontation or a simple difference of opinion. It doesn't matter, anger, the samurai will rise up with its razor sharp sword and drive off the enemy. It is only recently that I have begun to see anger more objectively, as only one of many ways to react and perhaps not the most skillful one after all. Anger, greed and delusion, the three poisons, are all aspects of a self-centered world view which denies our interconnectedness. Anger, an aggressive response to getting what we don't want or not getting what we think we need is related to greed, a sense of entitlement about what we think we should have. Anger, greed and delusion all share a distorted reality which is individual, isolated and tied to the workings of the ego. All three poisons feed upon themselves, anger breeds more anger, greed keeps expanding and delusion requires more and more distortion to sustain itself. Each can consume us if we let them. Can we recognize how much of our well-being is sacrificed to allow such poison to flourish in ourselves? As I grow older I find anger does not work as well for me, it's not the “go to guy” of emotions it used to be. This recognition has happened very slowly as I have experienced the influence of the dharma and the sangha. The dharma has raised questions in my mind about the wisdom of clinging to old ways of perceiving and behaving. I came to Buddhism seeking a philosophical framework for thinking about issues about myself and my life. I wanted something different from the psychological framework with which I am familiar. Psychology understands anger as a defense against fear and powerlessness, a useful defense mechanism, if not used rigidly and excessively. Neuroscience tells us that the primitive amygdula scans for threats and arouses our flight or fight response to insure our survival. These perspectives are limited in appreciating the extensive and subtle harm that turning to anger to maintain one's sense of safety can cause. Not surprisingly I have discovered that the issues I wanted to explore such as a genuine spirit of generosity, heartfelt gratitude and true entrusting, are related to each other. They are all aspects of lovingkindness and not possible to achieve when one is burdened with anger. Anger and its underlying selfishness create a lens through which one views the world. It is certainly possible and very human to be irritated and become angry over experiences and events in our lives. It is also possible and perhaps likely that we harbor underlying anger which becomes easily provoked and attaches itself to a particular issue or experience. Pema Chodron, in her lectures on anger, titled “Don't Bite the Hook”, talks about the difference between a normal response of anger and the fueling and justifying of anger which eats away at us and refuses to allow openness to another point of view. Although it is natural to feel irritation at frustrating experiences, she reminds us that this irritation lays the groundwork for the habit of aggression. Thus, we are primed to respond with anger more easily and with increased energy until it can become an addictive and destructive pattern. Pema Chodron's lectures on anger are based on the writings of Shantideva, an Indian Buddhist teacher who lived in the eighth century. Shantideva said that one outburst of anger destroys all the good will one has built up prior to that outburst. Chodron talks about how shocked and annoyed she was to think that one outburst could do so much damage. It makes it seem so hopeless for those of us with a bad or quick temper. I don't agree that it destroys all the good will one has built up for most people are surely more forgiving and flexible than that would imply. I think it is true that an element of caution, distance, reservation or whatever one might call it has been introduced into the relationship and makes it more complicated and less open. For those of us with the bad tempers, we want that distance, that fear and caution our anger creates in those around us. It serves to make us feel less vulnerable and secure knowing we can scare off a threat, even if the threat is not real but of our own distorted perception. Until recently I never thought about what might be lost by creating that distance. For me anger was the ingrained habit that Pema Chodron warns us about, with the result that it becomes easier and easier to get mad about smaller and smaller issues. Just as with any addictive substance one's need increases because it eases the pain. Shantideva tells us to learn patience to help us sit with the pain of not getting angry. It is difficult not to react in one's habitual way of protecting oneself. Patience is not just quiet passivity but an active strength to bear the agitation and helplessness which not reacting with anger forces us to face. It is no accident that angry people are always impatient people. Impatient people cannot bear the discomfort of frustration, there is always the underlying fear that they won't get what they need. That fear leads to the anger, usually justified by protestations of suffering imposed by outside forces. Patience requires a firm belief that one will get what one needs and the ability to deal with that underlying fear.