Access Granted

In my life I have wound up in situations that I have chosen to call Penalty Boxes. My Penalty Box experiences have served as “teaching moments” that have had a long lasting effect on both my life and my role as a leader in the business world. No two Penalty Boxes are the same, nor are the lessons learned from being in them, nor are the methods of extracting oneself from them. Admittedly, I alone am responsible for being assigned to some of my life’s Penalty Boxes. On the other hand, upon reflection, some of these experiences were either inherited or unfairly imposed by others whose competence or intentions were questionable. Some of my Penalty Boxes were literally constructed overnight, while others came together so gradually that it was later difficult to determine what action by me, if any, was the cause. It may also be useful to examine the difference between two types of Penalty Boxes: Transparent and Virtual. A transparent box is there, completely surrounding you, but you cannot see it. Others may see it, but you are blind to it. A virtual box is not there, in reality, but you, and often only you, can see it. In either event, once you are in the box, a feeling of helplessness overcomes you. New, and sometimes unspoken, rules restrict your activities and therefore your ability to breakout of your box. It could be compared to being under “house arrest”. Before you entered the box, you were leading a normal life and suddenly you must ask permission to do the most basic things. Finally, some Penalty Boxes result from one’s station in life. Poverty, limited education, poor family reputation or appearance can create low expectations by others, and can also be used to exclude a person from opportunities that otherwise would be merited by one’s performance. Life cannot be lived without some of these experiences. My first wife had an aunt named Lucille, whom I greatly admired. She was a bit stocky, her face looked younger than she was and her eyes invited you in. She moved and talked quickly and she was very plugged in to the events of the day. She liked to engage in discussions and was interested in what others thought. We were visiting her in Louisville, Kentucky where she lived with her husband, who owned an automobile dealership. Her home was traditionally decorated with many antiques and she had fine china and crystal which she used on a daily basis. She had two sons, Bobby and John. John, the younger, was brilliant but struggled with substance abuse. Bobby, named for his father, had died before his teen years. One morning after breakfast, we were sharing a second cup of coffee and I asked her how she remained so upbeat and positive in spite of losing one son and witnessing the difficulties of the other. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “You cannot be defined by what happens to you, but by what you do about it.” This was behavior she modeled and it became both an aspiration and an inspiration to me. My Penalty Box experience lasted for five years. I did keep my same salary level, my company car, and my assistant, Shirley. In this company it was more likely that you could get fired than have your salary reduced, and in this position an assistant was required to fulfill the responsibility. For the next five years however, regardless of my performance, I would not get a raise or a bonus that had previously represented forty percent of my income, nor would I be allowed to attend any leadership meetings; meetings that I had been attending for almost my entire career. I was no longer copied on memos that contained information outside my immediate area. People who often stopped by the office to visit did not come by. In the cafeteria no one joined me for lunch and if I asked to join them, the conversation did not come as easily as in the past; and they always seemed to have an urgent meeting to attend. In the halls and elevators people, especially senior leaders would not make eye contact. In other words, I was being frozen out. As the implications of all this began to sink in, I focused on three questions: How did a seasoned veteran get blind-sided by this? Did I believe in myself in spite of the fact that no one else did? Would the lessons learned from my personal and business past provide a path to a brighter future? And, this was not my first time in the Penalty Box.