An Irreparable Life

When I woke up in the delivery room I was told that she was 8 lbs. 4 oz. and I caught a glimps of her before they wisked her away. I stood at the nursery window constantly day after day. I watched the nurses feed her, wash and change her, and even play with her. It was hardest for me to watch them play with her because I wanted to be the one to make her smile and laugh. I had to stay in the hospital for eight days due to a kidney infection. On the fourth day I saw a woman coming down the hallway headed straight toward the nursery. She was carrying pink baby clothes and a pink blanket in her hands. I started to panic and I had just cause to do so. I stood at the window and watched the nurses change her into the little pink clothing and wrap her in the pink blanket. I didn’t move from the window as I was frozen with grief and fear. The woman and the nurse walked her out of the nursery and right by me as if I wasn't there. I felt like I had never been born and then I started to realize that I never signed anything to allow them to take her. They continued down the hall where a man was waiting for them and I was sure that they must have been the adoptive parents. I couldn’t get my bearings because I felt so helpless but I knew I had to be strong because she was going to have two parents and the priest said they had the best of everything for her. My face was hot and I could barely breathe as I started to feel myself missing her. Uncontrollable sounds of grief and pain built up in my chest and throat and sounded out as the uncontrollable tears poured out. I remember going to the window time after time and looking at her empty little bed. On the ninth day I was taken back to the home and there was no mention of a baby. I thought I would never see her again but I did; and along with her came the truth.