The Audacity of Breaking Free!

The Audacity of Breaking Free!! *** I woke up suddenly with a wild look on my face. I was all wet with sweat. Nokutenda, my girlfriend, I simply called her Noku, kept staring at me without saying a word. Still half-seated in bed, I looked outside through the window, to be welcomed by a bright morning. The sun was already up in the sky. I had overslept well into the morning. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was already twenty-three minutes to nine o’clock. For a while I remained seated on the bed, trying to figure out what day of the week it was. I was relieved to realise that it was a Saturday morning. “Good Lord, thank heavens it’s a weekend.” I threw myself back on the bed. “Good morning, late morning sleeper.” “Good morning early bird. How are you this morning, dear?” Noku’s reply was, “Worried.” “Worried? What do you mean by worried? What is worrying you?” “You. You are worrying me.” “What do you mean me?” I sat up in the bed to look Noku directly into the face. “I think you need to explain yourself. What is it that I have done to worry you? Do you want to talk about it, dear?” Noku remarked, “As a matter of fact, I think it is you who owes me an explanation. I wish to know whatever it is that is worrying you.” “Wait a minute.” I raised my left arm. “Please don’t confuse me. Let me get this clear. You want to tell me that it’s me who is worried. In turn, because I am worried, you are also worried. I don’t understand this. I still insist that you explain yourself.” “Yes. You are the source of my worries. Or I should say there is something about you that worries me.” She came to sit next to me. “All morning I have been sitting here watching you sleep. You were not at peace in your sleep. You were restless. You should have seen your face when you woke up. You looked like somebody who was looking death in the eye, like someone who feared for his poor life. Even as you were sleeping you were like someone who was fighting for his dear life.” “Ah well, is that all?” I asked casually, “You almost made me think that I had done something wrong and very offending. I was having a nightmare. I am going to tell you all about it, but not now. I am too hungry to talk, please.” I hoped to brush Noku’s worries aside. But knowing her as I did, she was not one who could be easily pushed aside. “It is not the first time I have observed this. This has been going on for a long time. But for today it has been too much for me to keep my silence. All night you have been talking in your sleep like a person who was desperately in need of help. What kind of nightmares are these? I don’t think I can stand them forever. I hate to see you suffering. I almost had a sleepless night, because you were talking all night. Don’t you think you need to tell me more to put my mind at rest?” She was looking helpless like someone whose life depended on whatever it was I was supposed to tell her. “I think you deserve to know everything, Noku. But I cannot tell you much now. All I can say is that it was one of the worst nightmares I have ever had. I dreamt I was in the war and we were under siege. It was terrible. If it were a real life situation, I don’t think anybody would survive that kind of battle.” I narrated the dream to Noku as she sat beside me, listening attentively. After telling her of my nightmare, I said, “I agree with you. It is not the first time I have had such restless nights. But I never thought you were aware of it. That part of my past has visited me in my sleep for as long as I can remember. In any case, it is not anything to worry yourself about. It will one day come to pass.” “I wish I could believe that, but I am sorry that I cannot. It has been going on for as long as I have known you and it appears as though it is getting worse as time passes. I believe it will be to our common interest if you see a doctor or some specialist of some kind.” “Do you think that will help?” “There is no harm in trying.” She stood up. “I will get breakfast ready.” I stayed in bed thinking about Noku’s suggestion that I should see a doctor, whilst breakfast was being prepared. I was reluctant to visit any physician. I never thought nightmares were problems to write home about, even though I was experiencing these bad dreams more frequently all of a sudden. I was convinced that someday they would disappear naturally, the same way they had come. But Noku would have nothing of that, and the following Monday she dragged me to the doctor.