Annelise’s father, Fredrick, often quoted the Chinese proverb “To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is ridiculous.” The words kept ringing through Annelise as she stood in the bathroom. The only thing she was certain about was being uncertain. Annelise was in the tiny bathroom a long time. She didn’t want the boys to see her tear-stained face, so she scrubbed her cheeks and rinsed several times. All that washing felt good; it cooled and refreshed her face. Annelise took one last look in the mirror, happy to finally recognize the reflected image, though it surprised her to see a sleep shirt and shorts. Did I never get dressed today? I don’t think I brushed my teeth, she thought as she rubbed her face. Annelise patted her cheeks, adding a bit of color to them as blood flowed to the surface of her skin. She found toothpaste and brushes behind the mirror, and she sucked in a breath, deciding that her mouth tasted like a used cotton ball. I’d better use one of these; my mouth tastes awful!
After brushing her teeth, Annelise looked at her image in the mirror one more time, brushing a few loose pieces of hair behind an ear. Okay, she said to herself with a sigh, I am ready. She pressed her hand on the doorknob and turned it. The door opened, and James and Dan were still sitting in the room. She wanted to say something to break the ice, but all she could muster was, “Can you believe I am still in my pajamas? It feels like a year since we were at home. What time is it, anyway? This morning began so peacefully, I was awake at my usual time, seven. It was supposed to be a quiet Saturday morning, I was looking at our spiderweb, James.” Another lump formed in her throat, but she was determined to keep the emotion to herself. She swallowed the lump, forcing it down into the depths of her stomach.
“It’s finally dark outside,” James said in an attempt to offer some normal conversation. His mother was glad to hear the friendly tone of his voice.
“Back home it would be 10:15. Not sure where we are, to know what time zone we’re in.” Dan had been trying to find a landmark, looking intensely out the window for several minutes. There was nothing out there but the deep blue sea.
James interrupted his father. “You guys want to call it a night, or go see what is going on out there? I’m still a little hungry; maybe we can find some real food, not just sandwiches.”
Annelise stood slightly behind her husband, who was near the window. She took a bold step and wrapped her arms around him from behind. His thin, warm body felt good to her; all she wanted to do was hold him and breathe with him. For a moment he twisted as if he would pull away, but then he stopped and his body relaxed. Dan took a breath and held her arms, rubbing softly like he used to when they were in college, standing outside at night stargazing. Her bicep muscle was sore, and the touch of his hand felt wonderful. The two were locked in a familiar pose.
“Oh gag, get a room, will ya!” James said as he opened the door. “I need to find more food. I’ll be back.”
“Wait, we’ll come with you. I am still famished, but let me throw some clothes on, okay?” Annelise let go of Dan, stepped past him to the closet, pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a bra, and went back into the bathroom to quickly put them on. When she was dressed, she took one more look in the mirror; satisfied, she stepped out into the room and walked toward James. “You coming?” she asked Dan, who was frozen in place.
“We’re not done discussing this—you know that, right? We can ignore it tonight, but I need to understand where we’re going and what the plans are.”
James agreed. “Me, too. You’re still not off the shit list, Mom.”
“You’re allowed to say that to me, James, given what we’ve been through today.” She touched his shoulder, feeling how muscular it was. He was no longer her little boy—he was a young man, strong and smart like his father. “By the way, you did a great job driving. Have you been practicing?” Her son nodded. “Let’s make the most of being together this evening and face whatever this reality is tomorrow. Deal?” James offered his mother a high five; she slapped his hand, cementing their agreement for the evening. She turned her attention to her husband. “Dan, I need to know those things also. I’m as lost as you are.”
“Deal,” Dan responded unenthusiastically. With that James and his parents walked out looking for someone or something familiar, preferably someone with food and drink. The juice, coffee, and sandwiches served only as a small appetizer. They were all starved and very tired.
The trio walked up to the main deck. It was a beautiful night: the stars sparkled like diamonds in darkness, and the crescent moon reflected brilliantly on the ocean. It reminded Annelise of Monet’s Impression Sunrise, only at night and in shades of grey, with the brushstroke sailboat replaced by an enormous cruise ship. The view from the deck was breathtaking because it was real and natural. She could smell the salty air mixed with a fishy scent. The seaweed cast shadows on the water. Now and then a flying fish shimmered under the moonlight. This vibrant, beautiful evening was a treat to the senses. Life at home without plants and animals wasn’t really life at all. Annelise felt that sense of wonder that had been dormant inside of her for the last several years.
Dan slipped his hand in hers as they walked. “I see that look in your face, Annelise. The one I used to see on our hikes. This is nice. We should try to enjoy it tonight. But you are not out of the dog house with me. I am still really pissed at you.”