Spiritual Confessions of an Agnostic

This book will not change your life. I wish it would, but it won’t. I don’t expect anyone to change their beliefs if they read this book from cover to cover. So why would I even write this book? Why would I even get involved with religious terminologies, philosophies, or ideas of spirituality, if I don’t expect ideological changes out of anybody? It could easily turn into another religious debate book about the existence vs. non-existence of god, and what a headache that debate can be.
I personally don’t care about those who are trying to convert people to any dogmatic ideas about religion. I’m more interested in why people believe the way they do. When people drop the semantics and truthfully admit why they believe something, that’s when the childish black-and-white lines of dogma finally get broken. But that’s also why these lines never get broken. People are rarely honest about why they hold to their beliefs, while others are ignorant of why. Many could be a mixture of both.
I am an agnostic. I wasn’t always that way. I was a die-hard, born again, living- in-the-spirit Christian. I never expected to depart from the faith, and any of my old church friends would be shocked to read this confession. It was the hardest transformation that ever occurred in my life, but also one of the greatest transformations. Being against such beliefs as a Christian, I never knew how much agnosticism would enhance me.
Many people have huge misconceptions about agnosticism, fueled by the vast amount of Christian-vs.-Atheist propaganda. Many of the religious people I come in contact with can’t even define agnostic correctly, so it’s no wonder they can’t evaluate us correctly. If you’re not sure what agnosticism is, I will define that for you in chapter 15 after I show you the trail that led me there.
This book could also interest the non-religious. Those who weren’t raised in a conservative religious culture seem constantly perplexed at how people could possibly believe such illogical, and even absurd religions. I was one of them, and I couldn't have been more deeply involved as one of them. So this book could explain a lot to outsiders looking in.
Part I is what Christians call their testimony, in other words, how I came to know the “saving grace” of Christianity. Let me reiterate here that I am not writing this expecting to convince people of any belief. Rather, I wish to show outsiders why people believe in Christianity. For that reason, I am writing this former testimony as if I were still my past Christian self. I want to show you my previous state of mind, which is the mind of so many dedicated Christians. For non-believers, this may seem emotive or irrational. Others may look at the Pentecostal years of this testimony as a completely made-up fairy tale story. It’s not. I will not embellish or exaggerate my Pentecostal experiences.
You will also be tempted to write this off as a verbose, overly personal detailed autobiography. I can assure you that I don't wish to give you my dirty laundry anymore than I want any of yours. In Part I, I have left out many irrelevant details of my own life. The purpose for writing Part I is to portray a lifecycle of the devoted religious American.
On the flip side of the coin, Christians may relate all too well with this first segment of the book, as long as they are being honest with themselves. Many will try and block out, or explain away, everything that I write—including the points where I agree with them!—because they are threatened by a renounced Christian’s reverse testimony. The charismatic branches of Christianity will find the Pentecostal years eerily real, again if they’re not busy defending themselves against everything I say.
The next segment will deal with the not-so-fun years of life where I came to lose the faith. If you’re a Christian, let me say again that I know you won't leave the beliefs you were raised in, which you hold so dear. I'm not expecting that. Just as I want non-religious people to better understand the reasons behind Christianity, I also want Christians to better understand why their flock “go astray.” Instead of interpreting alternative beliefs through a Christian filter, I want you to see agnosticism through the eyes of an agnostic. Dropping the filter will not deconvert you. Nobody has to convert to any belief in order to learn from it.
Leaving Christianity was the hardest thing I ever did. Knowing that, I don’t predict many others will do so. Instead, I make an attempt to cut the dividing lines that are drawn to prevent us from understanding each other. I hope this will benefit you as much growing in these experiences has benefitted me.