Elbows Off The Table!

What is it about dining out that turns us into complete idiots? Why do we abandon any shred of reason and/or logic as well as any notion of common sense whatsoever? Is it the thrill of leaving the house? Are we like dogs now, so excited to get out of the house that we allow stupidity to take control of our thoughts and decision-making process (chase a car down the street … run after the kid riding his bike)? Does it make us feel regal to act like shitheads when someone is waiting on us? Is there a proper way to act when dining out? I’ve been waiting tables for ten years now and still don’t have the answers. For the life of me I still can’t figure out WHY people do the stupid things they do. Throughout the course of this book, I’m going to provide detailed examples of the stupidity that waiters, hostesses, and bartenders encounter on a daily basis. There will be no embellishment or distortions of the truth as there is no need for it. Any person unfortunate enough to be employed in the restaurant industry will most likely be able to read this book and SWEAR that the words they see before them somehow leaked out of their own minds and came to rest on these pages. Those of you unfamiliar with life within a restaurant may think that these instances are few and far between. Isolated and uncommon. If that’s the case, then you are dead wrong! You might even be thinking “I never acted like an idiot when I went out to eat.” Bottom line though, YES,YOU DID! The waiter that you thought liked you? Nope. He/she hates your guts! The only reason they didn’t tell you this is for fear of repercussion—fear of losing their job. Perhaps it’s just not in his or her nature to be rude. Give them time, though. There’s only so much abuse a person can take before he or she will reach the breaking point. I myself used to love people. I used to love just sitting and talking with them. Now, however, I can’t stand the sight of them! They make me sick to my stomach. Their mere presence in my workplace makes my blood boil. I wish to god that these were just random unfortunate circumstances that only happened once in a while. But I’m telling you, people, this shit happens EVERY single day in EVERY single restaurant in the country! Does it happen abroad? Probably, but who cares? That’s their problem. Regardless, let’s see if I, me, you… WE can find some kind of solution. Some kind of common ground here … some kind of proper dining etiquette. Let’s see if we can all agree to keep our ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE!