A Wish for Death

It was mid March, and Victoria was alone at her beach house. At 1:00am, she received a phone call that would change the rest of her life. It was Stan. She could barely understand him. “Slow down,” she said, “I can’t understand you. Start from the beginning and just tell me what’s going on.” “You need to come home, honey. I can’t handle this on my own. I don’t know what to say or what to do.” “Handle what Stan? What is going on?” Stan didn’t want to tell her over the phone, but he had no choice. He needed her to come home. “It’s Katie, Vic. She’s in the hospital. Her friend called me to tell me she overdosed on some pills. She tried to kill herself.” “What? Is she okay?” Vic immediately interrupted. “The doctors say she will be okay physically.” “Why in the world did she do this, Stan? Have you talked to her yet?” “She’s in and out of consciousness. I tried to speak to her but she turned her head and fell back asleep.” Victoria knew Stan couldn’t handle this on his own, nor did she want him to. She needed to be with her daughter. She needed to find out why Katie did this. She needed to be there for Katie when she woke up. “I am heading out the door as we speak,” she told Stan. “I will be there as soon as I can. Just stay with her Stan, stay with her until I get there.” “I will, Vic. You have always handled problems with the kids, and I am at a loss right now. I know Katie needs you, and so do I.” Vic locked the house doors and headed for the car. The trip to Columbia was a two hour drive, and it was the longest two hours of her life. All she could think about was Katie. Katie had always been the quiet child, the shy one. She hardly ever demanded attention, even as a little girl. It was always up to Victoria to show Katie how much she was loved. But oftentimes, in the midst of Vic’s marital problems, Katie fell through the cracks. She spent a lot of time alone. She didn’t have many friends, but she got along with everyone she came in contact with. Now though, she was working in the department store, going to college, had her own car. She’d had a couple of boyfriends, but nothing really serious. Even her new boyfriend, Tom. They dated, but nothing more. She moved in with her friend, and both Vic and Stan thought things were going great with her. Evidently, though, they weren’t. Something, or someone, must have caused her to want to kill herself. Victoria knew something had been wrong, but she couldn’t figure out what. She had confided a secret with Katie in hopes that Katie would open up to her. A secret that was a lie. But it didn’t work. Katie continued to bury herself into her shell. Her high spirits were only a façade. Deep inside, something was going on, and Victoria was determined to find out what it was. When she arrived at the hospital, Stan was anxiously awaiting. “She’s in room 205,” he said. “Come on, I’ll show you.” Victoria walked into the room to see Katie on oxygen. She lay there asleep, and even though she was a grown woman now, she was still Vic’s little girl. Victoria walked over to the bed and began caressing Katie’s hair like she did when she was a child. Katie woke up, looked at her mom and began to cry. “Honey, what’s wrong? Why did you do this?” Katie looked across the room at her dad, and Victoria could tell she wanted him to leave. Victoria turned to Stan and nodded. He caught the gesture and excused himself. After he was gone, Victoria leaned down and whispered, “Katie, what’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?” Katie turned her head away from her mom and stared at the wall through teary eyes. She spoke softly, “Mom, things have happened to me. Things you don’t know and things I don’t want you to know.” “What honey? What could be so bad that you can’t tell your mom? I’m not going to judge you. Please just tell me.” Katie continued to stare at the wall with no response. Victoria brushed her fingers through Katie’s hair, reassuring her that everything would be okay. Finally Katie whispered, “I was raped. It happened a couple of years ago. This guy I met at work asked me out. He had been to the store quite a bit, and I’ve helped him pick out clothes. He seemed like a really nice man.” Victoria listened to her daughter as she painfully released the information. “Who did this to you?’ she finally asked. Katie withdrew into her shell again, refusing to say anymore. After a couple of minutes she finally spoke. “It doesn’t matter mom, it’s over now. Please just leave it alone. I can handle this.” “Oh you can handle this,” Victoria said sternly. “How Katie? By trying to end your life? By living in your own hell and not letting anyone help you?” “He will kill me if he knows I told anyone. Please, please mom, just drop it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” “Okay, okay, honey. I will drop it for now. But Katie, you can’t let him get away with this. He will do it other girls. You need to call the police.” “NO mom, NO. I just want to forget it. I want to forget it ever happened. Can you go now, mom. Can you just leave me alone? I’m really tired and want to go to sleep.”