A SPOON FULL OF SUGAR

I was told not to see my boyfriend again. I did go to see him the next day in the hope of some sort of comfort but instead he took me to a field and raped me. It took twenty four years for me to tell anyone that. He was nasty and horrible and even laughed at me. When he started touching me I asked him not to I told him I was in pain, he called me a liar and continued to pull at my clothes. I begged him not to, I was crying please don’t I might get pregnant again, he said I was stupid. Yes I was stupid. Despite my pleading and crying he went ahead and did it to me, when he finished he had a fag and then said he had to go. I had no- where to turn, no one to turn to did I? I had to keep him now and I truly believed I had no choice but to do what I could to make him happy as no one else would want me. I was worthless, no good and dirty.