Anatomy of a Cheater

Chapter 1

To understand the anatomy of a cheater, one must first embrace the abnormal rationale of how men think. The answer usually dwells deep in one’s past. As a child, I always dreamed big, of success that would be so vast, I would become someone that everyone would admire. In my younger days, while there was discipline, there was a lack of accountability. My parents were so busy trying to provide for my siblings and me that I quietly became a huge dreamer, a dreamer who wanted to alter his future and prepare for tomorrow by watching others, hoping to mimic their success. People are repetitive with their daily activities.
I noticed very young that I had a sincere passion for females. Just the sheer presence of a girl made goose bumps appear all over my body. I remember at the tender age of five, I thought of my neighbor’s daughter as my girlfriend, so much so that one afternoon after kindergarten, Shelly and I were observed inappropriately touching one another while fully clothed, under her parents’ barbeque pit. We had no concept of what we were performing, because at that age and as far back as I could remember, I had never witnessed my parents sleeping in the same room, much less the same bed.
So at that gentle age of five, what was I doing? Was it just the instinct of a man, or was I creating the basis of a cheater who never saw the bad side of the opposite sex? As I write this book, I will continue to question where affection was infused in my life. If I never witnessed love as a child, did I supplement my void by catching up as a pre-teen, teen, and eventually as an adult? When I finally did receive affection, I enjoyed it so much that it became the basis of my belief system. It set the foundation for the way I would come to adore but control the women who entered and exited my life, with a pattern of frequency only rivaled by important leaders, actors, or sports figures.
How could I ever change the bad habits of a five-year-old? While I wasn’t cheating that early, I was developing a habit of feeling that would teach me how to embrace the conscious affection that is supplied by a woman. Throughout the next few years, I noticed that I was not only looking at girls; I was watching a certain type of female—one who took her time with her appearance and left home as a beautiful specimen. I looked at things like hair texture, eye depth, presence, and confidence.
One important factor I know I’ve carried through the years is the art of capturing the heart of someone whom the odds are against me having. Lord knows I relish a challenge! Even at age five, little Shelly was a sight to behold! In a funny way, all of the females I would come to love had the subtle features of Shelly from so many years ago. The woman I eventually wedded had the confidence of presence that little, five-year-old Shelly commanded in our kindergarten social setting. As a not-so-attractive youngster who became an average-looking man, I feel I always overachieved with my selection of women because of that challenge factor that always came into play!
It was the summer before our big move from one side of our neighborhood to another. I had just completed third grade, and I was ripe and ready for fourth grade. Sex wasn’t really on my mind at that age; however, all the male school kids—or the big boys, as we called them—talked about girls pleasurably. As a youngster, you picked up on bits and pieces of what was being said. At that age, I spent a majority of my time walking up and down Carpenter Street, where we lived, and at home doing what boys my age did most: nothing! Nonetheless, there was one pastime I had grown fond of: being baby-sat by Laura Easley. Mia, as those of us who knew her called her, was a pleasantly plump girl of about twelve or thirteen years of age.
When my parents were home, and often when they weren’t, Mia would come over to play or sit with me to pass the time. Although her front was to “just play,” Mia and I often were both curious and got a little frisky when alone. I was happy enough with getting what I did, because to me, we had a connection all our own. This playful pastime occurred several times during this particular summer, and it suited my needs far more than any camp ever could! I felt special and fulfilled every time I interacted with Mia, which, for the most part, happened at my house except for rare occasions when she was at her home in the absence of her mother and siblings.
It wasn’t until a few years later in high school that I realized I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed Laura Easley. I found out in a casual conversation with another youngster-turned-high-schooler that he too got his jollies from brushes with Mia. Somehow, even many years later, I still felt that her sharing herself with others affected my perception of women and offered an uneasy feeling about trust and private, unspoken commitment. This thought takes me to a significant key in my development as a cheater:

Key Point #1 - Oftentimes, feelings of distrust and one-sided commitment can have a profound effect on how men view all women’s association with us. Men may feel all women should be “painted with the same brush” because of feelings of resentment from our past, and we develop defenses against such actions.

This key represents my deep-rooted distrust of females because I felt so close to Mia. By my acknowledgement of her affiliation with another boy, I convinced myself there were more individuals who shared my sexual experience.
When I was in fourth grade, my love interest was Sophia Siller. Like Shelly, Sophia had definition and awareness of who she was. When I met her, I was the new kid on the block. I had recently transferred from Eastside Elementary School because my older siblings wanted to go back to the same atmosphere they left prior to us moving to our new neighborhood. So Shredwell Elementary was my new school. Loneliness was a key factor in making me seek comfort in someone I didn’t know, usually a female. In changing schools, I felt alone. With Sophia, I felt the same pattern all over again: looking for the soft face in the crowd that welcomed my arrival.
On day one at Shredwell Elementary, I was walked to Ms. Wade’s fourth-grade portable classroom. An exterior building used to house student classrooms because of overcrowding. After joining a new class, the first thing a boy of that age does is look around the room for a welcoming face to meet with his own. As I gazed around the room, I saw my classmates were quite diverse, but as I focused closely, my eyes locked on Sophia. She was a light-brown vision of beauty, someone I felt could really help me through the anxiety of joining a new group.
With a slight smile, our friendship began. At that age, you never truly have the guts to tell a young female exactly what your intentions are. For the purpose of this examination of my feelings, I felt my lack of true attention at home helped me reach out for someone to be a true friend. If I could examine that versus my very serious cheating years, I would say those days are the basis of what I would become.
At age nine, calling a girl on the telephone was completely unheard of, so I rushed to school each morning to catch a glimpse of Sophia. When we had a one-on-one conversation, I felt warm and comforted inside, as I do today when a bit of my soul is truly touched. I’m sure Ms. Siller never knew the effect she had on a boy her age, but trust me, I still feel her involvement deep inside me.
That’s the whole concept of “the early years”: the basis of who we are to become is deeply rooted within the interaction of females through the foundation years of our lives. These are the days when you spent countless hours playing, dreaming, and developing your ideas of how you perceive that life is revolving around you!