Anxiety to the “New Me”

A little upset arose between Edison and Lucy because Edison learned that what the doctor has said to Lucy and that she’d been nice to him. But the truth was Lucy wished to stay with Edison for life. She dreamed about it. She wanted to forget about the nonsense of their argument. She found her heart beating for him, harder than before.

It was a warm fall night. She phoned him because she wanted to tell him she loved him and she believed in him and trusted him as much as she loved him. She asked him to come back because she wanted to embrace him and assure him that everything would be all right. Unfortunately, he didn’t give her any chance to say a word. When she finally got him on the phone, he was angry.

Edison had betrayed her trust. It’s something she’ll always remember as really painful and embarrassing.

She tried to speak to him about things in their life together that were driving a wedge between them. But he wouldn’t talk to her. He stayed stony and silent. Lucy pushed her hair off her face, her eyes worried, but determined to get an answer from him. “You need to explain yourself to me,” she asked.

“About what?” he answered brusquely. “I feel no need to explain anything to you.”

His voice sounded unexpectedly grim. She felt the worries rise in her throat like bile. She took a deep breath, feeling unexpectedly dizzy. Startled, she sat up straighter on the couch. Eventually Lucy said in a low, concerned tone, “You owe me the courtesy of an explanation about your attitude.”

“I don’t think so; Isn’t it obvious? There’s nothing to discuss,” Edison growled. “I don’t want to hear anymore argument.”

His tone caused her to take a deep breath; being affronted by his tone stunned her into a silence. She talked to herself unconsciously for a whole minute while her index finger drew to her nose like a disappointed child, like she might cry at any second too. “Is this real?” Lucy murmured, feeling that she might start to cry and not be able to stop. Her face scrunched in confusion. “Have I stopped being important in your life?” she asked with concern.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” he replied. He stretched and yawned, returning his attention to his TV. When she did not respond immediately, after a beat his tone became guarded. “Say whatever you want; I don’t even care anyway. Water runs off my back; I don’t give a damn,” he said.

Her blood seemed to stop flowing, as she felt like her skin draw tight around her cheekbones. Her posture stayed rigid for a moment. With a quake around her mouth, she felt like she was playing in a stupid movie. Being at a loss for words, she choked.

“Let me go; my phone is running out of charge,” he said.

Lucy’s throat tightened up, an unchecked tear slid down her cheek, and she said, “Excuse me.” She wanted to say something¾anything. But he had already hung up the phone on her. It was so unexpected that her throat closed for an instant.

She went weak, slumped against the chair, and closed her eyes tightly. “Nothing seems to make sense anymore,” she murmured, with a sinking sensation. Was he going to let that little flirtation with Konda destroy us? Her hands shook as she wrapped her fingers around the phone to replace it.

“Did he ever love me?” she asked herself, touching her chest. She felt the heat rise in her neck. She couldn’t complete her sentence.

She was so tired. Sitting in the chair in the room by herself was pretty depressing. Too tired, she just lay back on it, staring into space, and closed her eyes, trying not to think of or remember anything. Her chest heaved in big, shuddering breaths.

“I don’t believe this. I—I really can’t believe it,” she said.