The Meeting Book 2

VICKY “I'll come in if I may Alice?” Vicky spent a couple of years sitting in AA meetings in an attempt to manage her alcoholic daughter's drinking problem. When all her efforts failed a few months ago she finally found her way to an AL meeting. I think when I first came here it was an act of courage because what I was really saying was I had failed as a mother. I had looked after my daughter all her life, seen her through the teenage years, through the broken romantic relationships, everything - then suddenly the drinking ripped us apart. I felt like a total failure as a mother, almost suicidal. Thankfully once I got here I came to realise I wasn't a failure I'd just done the best I could but because of my ignorance of alcoholism I had done quite a few things wrong. I didn't know I didn't have the power or the knowledge to help her until I came here. Even though we had both worked everything out together up until alcohol entered our lives, I certainly couldn't work alcoholism out. I read every book I could get my hands on but the one thing I would never say was `I cannot cope' and I think this is the best place ever for me because it helps me to accept I couldn't cope with something as big as this on my own. I didn't really realise before coming here how much courage we have all got to have just to get through life. Today I can accept that some people cannot cope with the things I can cope with but I also accept that other people can cope with things I can't. I think coming here and admitting I couldn't cure my child, or I was trying to help but didn't have the knowledge to be able to help, was a great act of courage for me. Also gaining the courage to speak in here, having the courage to be able to talk about very tough times in my life and share my experiences so others may benefit from them too has been tough for me. Oh and I found it wasn't only my daughter's drinking bouts I had to deal with I also had the ripple effects it had on the rest of the family to cope with. My husband and I deal with things in completely different ways and he gets angry and puts his blinkers on and I found I used to really dread the binges because of what it did to her but also because I knew what was coming - from him. So even though she doesn't live with us now her alcoholism is still causing all of this bother in the house. Just recently I found the courage to tackle him about his outbursts because I had just had enough. I used the programme and a cup of coffee to deliver my message in a calm and gentle manner. I said `you know your angry outbursts give me more heartache than our daughter when she is drinking' and he couldn't believe what I was saying. But he must have thought about it because something changed and he doesn't disagree with me seeing her now while she is on one of her binges. So that was definitely the programme and talking to fellow members and being able to explain things in such a way and not get angry so I was able to get through to him and he hasn't had the same angry outbursts since. So that is one example of practising the programme that took courage for me to do because it used to be like lighting a fuse paper with him at times and that's obviously how he copes with it and its quite sad really because we have been together for years and he is a wonderful husband but alcoholism is so powerful it can come between anything. And that's all I've got to say at the moment, thank you.” GROUP TOGETHER “Thanks Vicky.”