The Darkness Within
by
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The story opens with an account of the childhood of ANGELA (sturdy, bossy), BEATRICE (a dreamer) and MILLIE (vulnerable, naive), three young sisters living in Holland in the early 50’s. The narrative fast-forwards to the three women in middle age. Millie is suffering from early-onset dementia and resident in a home where Angela is matron. Beatrice visits from abroad and tries to jog her sister’s memory with photographs and stories providing the flashbacks that build up the development of the three sisters’ lives. Beatrice is the narrator. Angela, Beatrice and Millie suffer a traumatic childhood with their manic depressive mother. After their parents’ divorce their mother’s mental state collapses leaving Angela to take charge. When their mother attempts to kill them all by turning on the gas in the middle of the night, the four of them barely survive. The children are told never to mention anything they may remember and this becomes the dark secret they keep even for each other. Charged with attempted murder, their mother is sent to an asylum, from where she escapes to commit suicide a year later. The sisters go to live with their father and his new wife, the heartless AUNT AGATHA. Aunt Agatha hates the children and cruelly breaks them emotionally. There’s no comfort when they learn that their mother has died. Angela marries young and soon divorces her alcoholic husband, staying away from home and reporting back extravagant stories of travels and experiences; creating a new world for herself in total denial of the past. In a complete volte-face she gives up all creature comforts to disappear into a commune on an island off the north coast of Holland to look after disabled people, enjoying being in charge as she was with her sisters. Millie starts a home-economics course in Amsterdam living in a bed-sit and Beatrice, after a summer job as an au-pair in Paris, where she is sexually abused by a friend of the family, takes refuge with a foster family. After a humiliating affair with a doctor who makes her abort two of his babies, and a subsequent suicide attempt, Millie marries CORNELIUS, a detached and indifferent husband. She gives birth to a Down Syndrome baby, ANNA, who dies after four months, leaving Millie devastated. Beatrice leaves for England as an au-pair. She marries a friend of the family called STEPHEN, a weak but kind man suffering with a drinking problem. Millie falls pregnant and so does Beatrice. They both have boys, ARNOLD (Millie) and HANS (Beatrice). After the birth of Beatrice’s second child, a girl called RUBY, Stephen dies of heart failure brought on by alcoholism, leaving Beatrice a widow at the age of 28. Beatrice then marries JACK, a gentle man with two children of his own, his wife having died of cancer. From then on she leads a blissful life with her new husband, four children and two dogs in the country. She tries to distance herself from all the problems of the past but keeps being pulled back against her will by Millie’s deteriorating mental health. Angela returns from her commune to live in a village near Amsterdam, again taking on a job with handicapped people. Angela and Beatrice find out that Millie has a brain tumour. Together they help her through a serious operation. Cornelius leaves Millie for another woman while she is in hospital and they divorce. Millie gains custody of Arnold. Daddy dies without revealing the secrets of their childhood. All he says is that he feels no guilt. When Millie’s dementia, aggravated by the removal of the tumour, takes hold, Angela takes on a job as matron of a nursing home in her village to be able to look after her. Angela and Beatrice take care of Arnold, by now a teenager and old before his years. Aunt Agatha dies leaving them all their childhood treasures that she saved for them in the attic, thus redeeming herself as not being as heartless as they thought. They find newspaper clips from the early 50’s and Angela finally discloses all the facts about their mother’s attempt to kill them and her suicide, which she has known all along. Millie is too far gone to even remember Aunt Agatha. Angela and Millie move to England and the three sisters are united once again. Beatrice realises that having her sisters nearby brings joy and contentment rather than heartbreak. The novel ends with a heartfelt letter written by Beatrice to MUMMY, expressing forgiveness and acceptance, finally laying to rest the ghosts of the past and thereby bringing into the light the darkness within.
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About the Book
Angela, Beatrice and Millie are three little girls living in Holland in the 1950’s. Their mother is a manic depressive making life frightening and traumatic for them. When their father leaves, Mummy takes fate into her own hands with near-tragic result. The girls are taken away from her and go to live with Daddy and his new wife Aunt Agatha. Aunt Agatha treats them cruelly while Daddy, unable to cope with any more domestic upset, refuses to get involved to protect his daughters. Then Mummy dies in suspicious circumstances. Angela, Beatrice and Millie all escape in their own way through jobs, marriage and even moving abroad. For a while all seems well till Millie is diagnosed with a brain tumour. Angela and Beatrice look after her as best they can and she recovers only to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia as a result. Again Angela and Beatrice unite in their care for Millie but while they try to stimulate her mind through pictures and stories of the past they unearth many unanswered questions about the fate of Mummy: What motivated her? How did she die? Have any of them inherited her disturbed mind-set? Will they ever find the answers and finally have peace of mind and closure? When Daddy dies he leaves no clues and it is up to the girls to find out what really happened. But has time erased vital evidence?
About the Author
The reason Fionna is writing this book is that it is a fictionalised account of true events. For her the writing was cathartic and gave her a better understanding of the circumstances of the past. It also gave her a better insight into the psyche of her sisters. Fionna is a published author (short stories) and is well-qualified to write a comprehensive novel. Biography of Fionna Barr Fionna was born on the first of April 1947. She is a Dutch national who has lived in England since 1968. She is a retired language teacher and now works for Oxfam as a volunteer. Fionna is married to a man she first fell in love with in 1968 at the age of 21 while in his employ. She left after one year and had no contact with him for 37 years. They met up again in 2006 and were married three months later when she was 58. She has brought up nine children. Fionna speaks Dutch, English, French, German and Russian, but is most fluent in Dutch and English. Her hobbies are walking, dog breeding and amateur dramatics. Fionna has written this novel to come to a better understanding of the motives of parents wanting to harm their children and the effect this trauma has on the lives of all involved. Fionna is a published author, having won six prizes with short stories in various competitions in the last two years (Woman & Home runner-up for the Costa Award, WritersDesk 2nd prize, StoryFeedback.com 2nd prize, StoryFeedback.com 2nd prize, Dark Tales 3rd prize, WritersDesk 1st prize.) She has recently passed her MA in Creative writing and Authorship with merit at the University of Sussex. Her dissertation was based on a section of her novel The Darkness Within. Her next novel is about volunteers in a charity shop and the stories behind the second-hand garments they prepare for sale in the shop. She is also putting together a collection of short stories for publication. Fionna lives in East Sussex in the country with her husband and four little terriers. Her hobbies are walking, writing and visiting friends. She has a large group of Dutch friends around where she lives which keeps her in touch with her roots. She has five grown-up children and four grandchildren.