Two Hearts Beat as One: When a Twin Dies

The funeral is over. The condolence cards have been put away. Your friends do not know what to say that will help you. They want you back to your old self but you have changed. The loss of your twin has shattered your heart and your belief that your heartache will ever lift. Tim Mannion helps you to understand your grief and that you are not alone. Tim's book is written with a deep understanding of loss. I see this book as a work of art that paints a picture of what it is like to experience the death of a twin. I learned of Tim Mannion's brother's death when I visited my mother who was terminally ill and on hospice. Tim was her hospice social worker. In the first few moments of meeting him, I knew that his empathy and compassion for those who were coping with death, dying, and bereavement was authentic.

I shared with Tim that my dad died by suicide three weeks before the birth of my triplets. Being that I was a mother of multiples, Tim, self disclosed his own experience of the death of his identical twin brother. It was an immediate connection. Anyone who knows Tim knows how much he loved his brother. When Tim told me that he was thinking about writing a book about his brother's death, I instantly knew it would touch the heart of the reader.

There are very few self-help resources for survivors of twin death. While researchers and clinicians have developed literature for professionals, less has been made available to lay readers seeking information about the death of a twin. He put pen to paper to fill this need. Although bereaved twins will find comfort in this groundbreaking book, the audience for this resource is fairly broad and should not be limited to twins. Bereaved siblings and parents will gain insight into the world of the bereaved twin. This book will also be a guide for social work students who want to learn about twin loss, mental health clinicians who maintain they always have something to learn to help grieving families, professionals who support bereaved twins and siblings, and self-help bereavement support group facilitators, who will find this resource exactly what they need to provide comfort to a bereaved twin.

To me, the greatest contribution of this book lies in what it will do in terms of helping twins understand their grief reactions. Soon after my dad's suicide, I was sitting at my kitchen table painting a watercolor picture of flowers. When I was almost finished, a glass of water spilled on the canvas, which caused the colors to mix into one another. Flowers became a blend of various hues. Since that defining moment, I've thought of how my grief reactions are similar to a blending of colors. Picture a palette - usually a thin and oval flat tablet with a thumbhole at one end. Painters for holding and blending paint colors use it. When we use the palette metaphorically, it becomes that which holds and blends grief. The Palette of Grief® includes a blending of reactions seen as colors of loss. These colors capture the physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and spiritual grief reactions after a final separation.

Tim Mannion suggests in his book that his grief reactions were intense and compounded by the unique relationship he shared with his twin. Mannion has given us his perspective on grief. Full of color, his portrait is rich with memories that will be a part of him for the rest of his life. We need his wisdom desperately in a time when twins are searching for answers. As a bereavement specialist, I can see how this book will touch the heart of its readers and as a mother of multiples, I can see how it will one day help my own sons cope with their loss.

What I hope you see is the brush strokes of loss is wide and as you create your experience; Tim will become a comforting friend. It's difficult for a twin to read this book and not feel that the author knows more about you than he should. However, the narrative of the death of a twin, the intense grief reactions, the painful bereavement experience, and customary experience of mourning, is not where this book's major contribution lies. Its real value begins with the recommendations of how to cope with the colors of loss. Tim reveals his own Palette of Grief®. His emotional colors are feelings of abandonment, anger, denial, emptiness, guilt, helplessness, sadness and yearning for his twin. His physical colors of loss include chest pain, lack of energy, emptiness, fatigue, headaches, insomnia, numbness, and feeling shaky, especially when he sees his brother's reflection each time he looks in a mirror. His cognitive colors are disbelief, avoiding thoughts, confusion, dreams, longing, and being preoccupied with his twin. Behaviorally he experiences agitation, impatience, mood swings, irritability, and needing to have linking objects that belonged to his brother. Lastly, his spiritual colors of loss are emptiness, loss of purpose, finding a sense of peace, sensing the presence of his twin brother, having a stronger faith, and believing he has the right to be alive even though his brother is dead.

Twins will find many of their grief reactions illuminated in these pages and be comforted to see that other twins share the painful feelings that otherwise would be suffered alone. The research shows that twins provide social support for one another. When a twin dies, that support dies with them and extreme loneliness can be overpowering. Grief is a lifelong process. Although twin loss is profound and enduring, Tim shows the reader how to keep the fondest memories alive while continuing the bond with the deceased. The attachment they made before birth continues not only through life, but also even after death.

Unlike other books that focus on the loss of a sibling, this book provides an in-depth look at the loss of a twin. Each chapter focuses on Tim's grief, bereavement, and mourning. His book includes the significance of family, friends, and faith as his heart is shattered. This book includes a wealth of information about common responses to the death of a twin. Tim attempts to make sense of the loss and find meaning in it. Tasks help him to cope. He has developed a new and meaningful relation with his deceased brother by holding him in his memories. There is an impact on Tim's self-perception. Is he still a twin if his twin is dead? Although the story holds the answer, a twin will answer with a resounding, yes.

In telling his story, Tim recognizes the significance of employing a narrative approach to healing. Although his world was shattered when his brother died, he has continued the relationship. Writing his story helped him identify his goals and guided him at a time when he felt disorganized and lost. He has put his life narrative into this book. Themes blend throughout the text such as loss, transcendence, spiritual guidance, and intimate connections. Tim has integrated the loss into his life.

I feel very fortunate to be brought into Tim's world and I am honored to read how he keeps his twin brother's memory alive. He has grown from his loss. He has become connected with his feelings and has the confidence in his ability to handle grief and be a comforting friend to others who are going through a similar loss. Twin loss is traumatic and the research shows that identical twins experience more intense grief than fraternal twins. Identical twins are mirror images of each other. Tim Mannion holds up a mirror and guides the onlooker through a personal story using his wisdom and insight as the reader's guide. Tim was an identical twin and every time he sees his face in the mirror, he sees his twin. The face in the mirror is a gentle reminder of what was lost and what was gained by simply being in each other's lives.