High on Hope

Durant, Oklahoma 1996 Her heart was beating fast as she stepped outside the mobile home. Something within her said she shouldn't be there. She was with her boyfriend and her roommate, but fear gripped her heart: She knew she was in an unsafe place. Almost everyone at the party was tripping shrooms, including her roommate. She had gone outside to get away from the party. Two girls who had threatened her before were at the party and due to the verbal communication spoken loud enough for her to hear, she knew they were planning something. Sure enough, when she stepped outside, they quickly followed. As one of them screamed at her, calling her every name imaginable, the other one slammed her hands into her chest, knocking her to the ground into a puddle of mud. Her boyfriend attempted to stop them, but the fact that she was with him at all, only made things worse --he had once dated one of the girls before. For that reason, she hated her for being with him even though they had been broken up for some time. As she started to get up, her roommate started to scream at her too, and for a good twenty minutes, she stood there enduring the insults that were breaking her heart with every word. She was scared and felt so alone. She took off walking barefoot down the gravel road in front of the house. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't even know where she was, but everything inside of her cried out for her mom to come and rescue her. Under her breath she said, “Please Mom, just drive by . . . I know you don't know where I am, but please come and get me.” Her boyfriend eventually convinced her to come back to the party, promising her that everything was fine. The rest of the night was without incident, but rejection burned in her heart, and she began to truly understand what it felt like to be the outsider.