Spector's Revenge

Every brow of a hill or dip into a gully looked the same as any before. A person could get lost very easily and soon go mad in a place like this. No wonder Aivis had turned out the way he had. Little wonder too why he found such rubbish gags so hilariously funny. What was only a few minutes began to seem like many hours. If it was a test of Matthew’s resolve it was a severe one. The disappointment of this place, when he had been so expectant of a world of colour and magic, had been a heavy psychological blow. His steps were getting heavier, his shoulders drooping lower and his head more bowed the longer the arduous march continued. It broke him eventually and he just stopped still and upright. ‘Wait, Aivis, wait. I need a rest.’ ‘I wouldn’t recommend it.’ ‘Why not?’ Literally as he said it something splattered on his head. Matthew felt the goo starting to run down the sides of his head. There was a strong citrus smell in his nostrils, a very strong orange odour. He wiped away with his right hand a blob that was threatening to run into his ear. ‘What is that!’ ‘I did warn you. Page five of the booklet.’ With the clean left hand Matthew thumbed forward from the front cover and then used gravity to pull away the unwanted pages that rested on top of page 5. There was a heading, “The Spiders of Mamhilad”. He read it aloud for Aivis’ benefit, “The Spiders of Mamhilad”.’ ‘The what?’ queried the Burvis, who immediately sped over to take the booklet and confirm the heading, “The Spiders of Marmalade”?’ ‘No it’s not! It’s pronounced Mam-eye-lud. There’s a village in South Wales called the same, and spelled the same way.’ ‘Another typo error.’ Aivis started to scour other pages for further mistakes. ‘Never mind that now. What does it say about the “Spiders of Mamhilad”? Are they dangerous, venomous and do they eat meat?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Which one is “yes”?’ ‘Errrr—all of them.’ ‘Well that’s just brilliant, isn’t it? Well, which animals do they normally feed on?’ Aivis held up the booklet to Matthew so that he could see for himself. What he saw was a shiny page of aluminium foil. ‘Are you telling me they eat metal? Aivis shook his head. Then he nodded and opened his eyes wide as if instructing Matthew to look closer. ‘But all I can see is...is...’ the penny had dropped, ‘...is me.’ ...