Splinters from my Rocking Chair
A JOURNEY THROUGH INCEST SURVIVAL
by
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The splinters in my soul are many. They have pricked at my very core since my mere existence. I was too young then to even understand that they were in me. I could not pluck them out. Some splinters grew into thorns and with every twist and turn they tore deeper into my soul. I began to bleed. As I grew, I developed this keen sense of brokenness. I developed this constant state of longing; a nagging fear of decay. Nothing in my life made sense. I felt everything was my fault. I had to fix everything. I had this urgent need to justify my being, explain my existance and that I had worth and that I was lovable. Somewhere though, deep inside me, I somehow knew that my soul had a pulse, a pulse all its own. There was this whisper telling me so. This whisper was the only thing that kept me alive, that kept me moving. I was so confused. Sadly, as time went on the cries won over the whispers. I stayed in a constant state of agony. I did not understand a thing. What was wrong with me! I just want to love and be loved. It seemed so simple. So why was I living this seemingly slow death. Why was it I could go through the motions of everyday life but really had not lived one moment at all? I was barely hanging on. I was raw with pain. I felt so empty. I just needed somebody to love me. Why am I so alone? I feel so desperate. I need to be loved. I need you, whomever you are, to love me. I will give you every fabric of my being if you will simply love me. I will give you all I own if you would just love me. I will sacrifice my all for you. Just please touch me. Just please touch me with love. Just please hold me. Just please believe in me. Just please help me. What is wrong with me? Just hold me and hang unto me. Don't let me go! Stop taking my flesh and walking away! Stop taking my flesh and leaving me to die! My soul still bleeds and I am once again saturated with loneliness.
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About the Book
This book is about the absolute raw pain of surviving through life after childhood incest. The raw pain emotionally. The raw pain physiologically. The raw pain spiritually. The raw pain mentally. The raw pain physically. The raw pain sexually. The horrific damage done to one's entire soul. This book is about surviving in a sphere far beyond just walking this earth. This book is about the destruction done as a result of incest far beyond those physical moments of that touching. This book is about the carnage left behind long after those moments of incest were over; the touch was gone.
This book was written not only for incest survivors but also for those who are living with raw pain from abuse of any kind. So survivors of all forms of abuse can tap into and embrace and validate their own life stories of abuse; each one's individual feelings of raw pain no matter where they came from.
This book was written from a realm beyond a physical existence. This book is written to tell the world that incest and abuse of any kind, especially done to a child, is a lifelong sentence. Surviving after those moments of touch whether done once or a thousand times has the same impact. Those moments of violation alter one's life and life choices FOREVER! There is no such thing as living a life that remotely seems fair or just; nothing even close to "normal". The changes of a healthy, full life are stolen from you - TAKEN! It takes years to put the pieces together; to make sense of any of it. But only if you are fortunately enough to do so!
About the Author
I live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I have lived in many other places through all my life but now I am planted back home. I am a common person with a lifetime mission of searching for my own soul. I am a seeker of nothing but truth. My heart is deep with compassion. My heart has always won over the divide of good and evil. My remaining journey will be to draw that line between good and evil; good intentions versus evil intentions. My remaining journey will be to determine, is there even such a thing as living in the middle? My soul purpose of this book is to help others who so privately struggle. And to connect them to their hidden pain; to tap into their own souls; to relate to their individual sufferings; to validate the horrors of their life. I am only one in all of humanity! There are millions who are suffering along side me!