Vicious Circle
Hope For A Brighter Future
by
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The depression just seems to be getting stronger every day. And with no one to talk to about all of this, I get these feelings of suicide more and more. These days are so long and full of so many uncertainties. It has become more and more clear to me, that I am not going to be able to work through all of these emotions that I have. I knew that I needed to get some help or I was going to completely lose my sanity, and I sure didn’t want that to happen. My life is such a mess. I don’t like who I have become, always so full of anger and bitterness. I can’t even remember who I am or what I was like before leaving home. That part of me was even left in the past and forgotten. My health is getting bad again because of all the stress and everything that I have to go through, having been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease long before I left. You add all of the stress and depression to the already bad medical condition, and you can just imagine how bad I am getting. I have virtually no appetite as it is. So when I do eat, I feel like I am just forcing myself to. Then I can’t even hold the food. So now on top of everything else, I have become dehydrated again and need to go in for my IV feedings in the hospital or clinic. All of this, I wish would just go away, but it will never leave me. It is part of my life and has been for years now. I, like everything else going on, just have to deal with it as well. Just gets so hard and so overwhelming at times. Sometimes now, and more often than not, I just don’t even want to get out of the bed and face everything. Right now I don’t even feel like I am living, but instead just existing. I have to keep pushing myself more and more every day. I try so hard to just keep telling myself that things will eventually get better for me. It is just so hard though to be positive when everything in my life seems to be so negative all of the time. Never knowing from one day to the next what else is going to happen to pull me down. Will my life ever get better, or is it always going to be this way? I don’t want to live, because as far as I am concerned, this really isn’t living. I just want to end all of the pain, suffering, and depression. Sometimes, when I go to bed at night, I think thoughts of just dying in my sleep in hopes that I don’t have to wake up and face all of this over and over again, but it doesn’t happen. I sure wish it would though. I can’t help the way I am feeling anymore. I am just so tired of the fight of living and existing from day to day. I know I am wrong for feeling this way; I just can’t help it though. The suicidal thoughts are just getting stronger every day when there is so much negativity in my life. There is just not a lot of strength left in me anymore to continue fighting how I am feeling. I don’t know if or when I will ever get past all of these feeling of knowing that I am alone again after living half of my life with one man and now this is my life. I just feel so out of it all of the time. I can’t stand the way that I feel.
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About the Book
There have been many books written on Crohn's Disease and Depression, but has anyone really wrote about the two together and the affects that one can have with the other. This book tells my story about how Crohn's disease affects my depression and how my depression with all of the struggles that I have in my life also affects my Crohn's Disease. Lets' face it, stress and depression is a known fact to affect your health, but when you have a disease like Crohn's that has no cure, the depression becomes even more severe. I am hoping that my book will enlighten others eyes as to how Crohn's Disease and Depression actually affects peoples lives. I also hope that if you are suffering with either of these illnesses that you can relate to some or all of my story and know that you are not alone in your daily struggles for a hope for a brighter future and a cure for Crohn's Disease
About the Author
I have been suffering with Crohn's Disease and Depression for a number of years now. The day to day life is a struggle for me, never knowing from one day to the next how I will feel. My life is like a Vicious Circle struggling with the depression of having this horrible disease and then struggling with the disease itself which I become extremely depressed with, as it has affected my life in so many ways, and sometimes feeling like I am a prisoner in my own home. Some days not even feeling comfortable with going outside of my four walls. As the struggle for me continues, I am not alone. There are so many others that fight the same every day of their lives too, from adults to children. One out of every two hundred will fight Crohns Disease. I chose to write about my experiences so that others will know that they are not alone in their fight for a cure. My writing has been very therapeutic for me. I am hoping that in some way, my book might help others struggling as well. For every book that I sell, I will be donating a portion to the research and support in hopes that a cure will be found for Crohn's Disease. Until that day happens though, there are so many men, woman and children that fight every day with their daily lives of living, and the support will be a tremendous help to those suffering with this disease as well as depression. .