Alone, but Never Alone

R.D. April 20, 1980. R.D. died today. It was so unexpected. I lived in a big, old house with a bunch of people from the program. R.D. and his fiancée were supposed to be married here, in the house, on Sunday. There was a fire at their home. He had rescued his soon-to-be five year old son, her son from a previous marriage, and had gone back into the house to rescue her. They both died of smoke inhalation. I first met R.D. about six months ago. He was an alcoholic and went to A.A. meetings. He lived at one of the local half-way houses and hung out with some of the guys who went to both A.A. and N.A. He was young and black, which put him in a class all his own. I respected R.D. because he was serious about working his program. He was really trying to use the program to change his life, not just use it as a scam to get probation. He didn’t grow up in a religious home, but he had embraced the spiritual aspect of the program. One day, when I was dropping him off at the half-way house after a meeting, we started talking about working steps four and five. (Step four is taking a spiritual, moral inventory of yourself, and step five, is sharing that inventory with God, yourself, and another human being.) I shared with him the experience I had in treatment--when the room turned all white, and I had the feeling I was shriveling up and dying. It was so cool, because R.D. shared a similar experience with me. He told me when he finished giving his fifth step, he too was overwhelmed by the same feeling. First, he felt a sensation of shriveling and then of dying. (Of course, he wasn’t schizoid, and he felt totally overcome instead of just half.) It was wonderful to know someone else had experienced the same thing. I really wasn’t crazy. What happened to me, what happened to us, was a valid spiritual experience. He thanked me when he got of the car and thanked me again for giving him the following verse: “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” He said he treasured it and he kept it in his wallet with him at all times. For some reason, this copy of the verse I gave him didn’t come with the first stanza and its source was not credited. I discovered it years later when I attended Bible College. In case you don’t know it, it is: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” The 23rd Psalm