Waiting with a Purpose

Chapter 5:
Faith’s Story:
Ugly Duckling Syndrome

People think that you are confident and maybe even beautiful, but deep within, you have a poor self-image and subconsciously you feel as though you will never find anyone to love you for you.

Why do I continue to date these guys only to find out that they are cheating on me?

And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God ( Romans 12:2).

“I cannot believe that this man is cheating on me,” Faith said as she looked at the black mascara that had smeared like charcoal on her dark chocolate skin. Her eyes were nearly closed from the puffiness that adorned her face. Her bobbed-cut, straggly hair didn’t help her self-image as she looked in the mirror, desperately wondering where she had gone wrong. I mean, why wouldn’t a man want her? After all, she was dark with smooth skin, had perfect white teeth, was fine and fit, and although she had four children, she was still educated and on top of her game. She had a doctorate degree in educational leadership, and she exposed her kids to finer things in life, so in her mind she was a good catch.

When she would walk in the club during her partying days, all eyes would be on her because she would have spent three hours in the mall so she could be dressed to impress. All the Ques, Kappas, and Alphas knew her because she had worked on campus while in college, and she was known for her boldness and sassiness. Her thinking was, Once I put it on a guy and give him sex like he’s never had it before, he’s not going anywhere because he will be hooked. The only results that she yielded from that were good-looking men who were bound to cheat. On the outside was this bodacious, sexy, well-put-together, educated woman, but on the inside was this little girl who was battling low self-esteem, a poor self-image, and a distorted image of love. Although she grew up with her mom and dad in the home, her family still struggled financially, and they lived in the type of neighborhood where there would be a drive-by on the regular.

She’d never really seen her daddy show affection toward her mother. They slept in separate beds, and he would go to work, come home, take a shower, and then go to bed. The projects were close by, and you really had to be strapped or “street” in order to survive in the hood.

Faith’s first sexual encounter was when she was sixteen, and it was with this big-time drug dealer named “Peanut.” Faith battled low self-esteem because of her dark skin, and back in the day she would have been called a “Celie” from The Color Purple. When she was in high school, if you were not of fair skin or have a pecan tan, most of the boys didn’t really pay you any attention. Peanut did make her feel special, because every time after they had sex he would take her to the mall and buy her an outfit or two. She wanted very badly to be considered pretty for once. After all, her pecan-tan friend Samantha got all the compliments, even from Peanut, when they were together, and Faith was just considered the ugly duckling who happened to be hanging with Samantha. Taking the belief of feeling ugly deep down inside, she really wanted to be considered pretty.