Storms of Life

What made me write this book?

DIVORCE!

I went through a massive cathartic experience that left me feeling totally alone and desolate in challenging one of the ultimate taboos in our Asian culture.

I felt that I was the first, and the only one going through with this. As a British Asian woman, I had no-one to turn to let alone find any self help books to guide me. Oh yes, I had all the light hearted quips from some of my relations but nothing that could reassure me as everyone reverted to the traditional party line. To this day no one has stuck their neck out and said

‘Good on you girl, go for it’

But instead I heard ‘You have to go back, you have to be the good wife. You have to work at it. No-one else will want you, you are stained goods. You are now only good for your husband’

Needless to say I DID stand my ground and lived to tell the tale!

My Journey  

I was 22 years of age when I married in 1987. Not through choice. It was an arrangement, this is how I like to term it. A decision made by my father and his then best friend, a decision about my life made between two friends.  It was not a ‘marriage made in heaven”, it was doomed for failure right from the beginning. We were totally incompatible, totally mismatched.  I was 22 very attractive and academic; he was totally the opposite from me. Much to my mother’s and brother’s disappointment the marriage went ahead. Oh yes, even though I had all my doubts and my soul was screaming NO! NO! NO!  Chalk and cheese married nothing in common.  A marriage to please two best friends. I went along as I could NOT and did not have the courage to say NO to my father. I was very close to my father, ‘daddy’s girl’ and never dreamt of ever offending or disrespecting him. Even though the person I was to marry repulsed me looks and all. I know looks are not everything but it does help a little.......... although a personality can over cede the looks but nope I got neither.  If I had to describe us as a couple the term ‘beauty and the beast’ would resonate perfectly.

I convinced myself this is it. This is my jail term for life. I have to commit myself to try and least fall in love with him as this is it, I have no other option. Needless to say I eventually sort of did. I guess I psyched my mind to ‘accept this is it, there was never any chance of anyone else’

If only my close family, relatives and friends knew how my inner depth feelings were like. I had to resort to overcome this in my own way. For me this was a desperate step. So for all those who know me, here I am about to make a confession.  Come on this has been kept inside me for too many years that I have lost count. I resorted to alcohol. I have never drank in my whole entire life except for a drop of brandy with honey whenever I had a cold, this was medicinal purposes only, and dad was the one who gave it to me so hence it was ok.

I knocked back neat whisky so I could pretend to enjoy the sexual part of the relationship. Drinking myself to a drunken stupor so I did not have to remember what happened. This experience has been blocked from my memory to this day. I have never spoken about this to anyone. This has been my personal secret. Also a big release as now I am sharing this with you my readers.  Funnily enough when I separated from my husband he kept telling everyone I used to drink.  If only he knew he was the reason and NOT because I enjoyed alcohol, oh come on neat whisky..............what is there to enjoy about this. Cocktails would have been more up my street with the exception of ‘sex on the beach’ obviously all those who knew me vehemently denied his accusations of me drinking. I apologise because he was telling the truth. I didn’t acquire a taste for spirits I forced myself, drinking it like bitter medicine.

I endured a violent marriage and ended up back in my maternal home on three occasions the longest staying six months.