Behind the Wall

     I thought this was an appropriate title for my book because most people are curious of what goes on behind certain walls.  It awakens the inquisitive nature in all of us.

     This book is a glimpse of my experiences behind the wall of the Monastic Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance, the female branch of the Trappists.  They are called Trappistines.  No one goes behind these walls.  There is an Edict of Papal Enclosure that comes from the Holy See, in Rome, that all Cistercian Monasteries are sealed, off limits to everyone.  Those Monks and Nuns behind this Papal Enclosure vow to live and die in the Monastery of their profession, unless they receive a dispensation for a time.

     The female order of Cistercians, (OCSO), is stricter than the male branch, the Trappists.  No one is to see or touch the Nuns for the rest of their lives.  Their family may see them once a year.  The Nun is behind a double grill, no touching or hugging of family is allowed.   The Nuns are so protected from the outside world that absolutely no one is allowed behind their walls.  There are no newspapers, no TV’s, no secular books or magazines, no information, at all, of the outside world.  Only three letters a year are allowed to be written; the information in these letters is kept very simple with everything going out of the Monastery being censored.  It is a world, all its own, under one rule: The Abbot or Abbess and the Rule of St. Benedict.   It is not a prison nor a Concentration Camp; the isolation and the restrictions put it in a category nearly similar but for one factor, the free will of the inhabitant.  It is survival in the Spiritual Life with every deprivation of the body and its desires.  It is a Silent Order; there is a Sign Language used to communicate necessary information at work.  No useless signs are permitted, silence reins for the contemplation of the things of God.  Custody of the eyes is kept at all times; the inhabitants are covered from head to toe in a Habit, day and night.  They are strict vegetarians.  With Profession of five vows, they are constantly under obedience to the Superiors and their own conscience.  Unlike the most secure and severe prisons, the only thing keeping them here is their will to serve God through their five vows: Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, Conversion of Manners and Stability.

     Why should I want to enter such an Order?   I explain my thoughts and feelings as I was growing up and how I came to choose such a life.  It is different to say the least.  It caused many problems, especially with my parents.  I explain that in some detail.  The Abbess didn’t accept me into the Monastery right after my High School Graduation.   She stated I was too young and I needed to test myself to take the strict fasts.  I go on to explain how I did that.

     Finally, I was accepted into the Trappistine Order.  There were many trials and heartaches, one of which was separating from my parents, especially my Dad.  With God’s grace and guidance it all fell into place and I entered the Order as a Postulant.  I was given the name, Sister Alfred.    I was named after my Dad who put up such a fuss but he finally gave in and gave me up to God.  The following chapters describe my life and expediencies as a postulant, a Novice and a professed Sister under Simple Vows.    I relate my ups and downs being sincerely honest with my feelings, emotions and impressions along my road in the Spiritual Life.  There was no communication among or between Sisters.  I was alone in the Spiritual Life.  I could communicate verbally with a Superior now and then for guidance but for the most part I was in the deep silence of my walk with God.

     In my sixth year as a Professed Religious, I was sent on a new foundation in Dubuque, Iowa.   I was one of twelve Nuns chosen to start a new Trappistine Monastery, the second Female Branch of the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance, (OCSO), in the United States at that time.   I go on to describe the joys, trials and tribulations in the Spiritual Life in a new foundation under a brand new, first time Superior; life was not easy under her rule.  Trying to be fair, I describe how ruthless a person, who represents God, can be, how I tried to hang on to the truth, as I saw it, and resign myself to God’s Will.

     All this happened in the middle 60’s. It was the time when the Roman Catholic Church opened the Vatican II Council and was changing many ordinances that have been followed for years in the church.   At that time, many Religious were leaving their Orders and were looked down upon by many Christians and the Catholic Church, as Traitors.  Maybe, many of those Religious had an experience like mine.  In which case, it presents the question:  Who was the Traitor?

     This left many former Religious very bitter and resentful of the Catholic Hierarchy and even Catholicism itself.   If I could reach some of these people to