PREVIEW of  NOT ANOTHER BLOODY GOAT

The phone is ringing – or is it ?

No, it’s Amélie the Amazon parrot doing an excellent imitation. After a few rings Lois rushes in from the garden, only to realise that it’s another false alarm, and that Colin the conure has already answered, he’s saying ‘Bonjour. Ca Va?’ in his best French accent.

Life is never dull here in this rural corner of the Vienne countryside where John and Lois have made their home. The original plan was to retire early, take life easy and enjoy peace and tranquillity – but as they say, ‘the best laid plans of mice and men …….’

It was a meticulously planned operation to move house from Lincolnshire to Western France. The removal of furniture was easy enough, but how much paperwork do you need to transport two dogs, two cats, three parrots, two cockatiels and an aviary full of finches and canaries? If the furniture takes three days to arrive, what happens to the animals? And how will they all settle in a country where everybody speaks French?

Fortunately Lois and John do speak the language and soon learn what is expected of them by their French neighbours. There’s a lot to do in the garden, John wants a pool, and various outbuildings need attention. The couple discover a superb monthly market where they can buy not only fresh fruit and vegetables, but chickens, bantams, geese, quail. They soon increase their ‘family’ of animals.

            The local cat population recognises a soft touch, and one by one they begin queuing at the backdoor for food. The two old dogs die and are replaced by another, nutty border terrier who thinks maybe he too is a cat.

Then Lois decides she wants a goat, and falls in love with all caprins. In particular she develops a mission to ‘save’ the local Poitevine goat from extinction. One goat soon becomes seven goats. We hear stories of castration, birth, death and dairying among the goat collection, until John reaches exasperation point and utters that now famous phrase ‘Not another bloody goat Lois.’

This book covers two years of country living in the Poitou countryside, and is written as a diary with essays.

 Nearby towns include Montmorillon, St Savin and la Roche Posay.  Poitiers is the county town, and the much loved and frequently visited monthly market is at Les Herolles. All places can be found on the map for department number 86.

Animal lovers, Francophiles, eccentrics, -  this is the book to inspire you to enjoy a long, happy and healthy retirement.

A brief outline of each chapter

1. A description of the house and the area, meet the animals that came from UK.
2. Cockerels, bantams, canaries, and that notorious wife-killer Little Louie are all introduced.
3. Visit to Monsieur Moustaches the goat farmer and sample his home-brewed pineau.
4. Jack & Jill the dwarf goats come to stay. Muffin the Mule gets legless. The bantams provide a tale or two.
5. Albert the Amazon parrot stars in this chapter. Pumpkins take over the garden.
6. Three themes: Jill is pregnant; ginger tomcat visits; kittens that nobody wants.
7. Farm buildings need renovating; Poitevine goats become a mission. What do conures eat for breakfast?
8. Paula the Poitevine goat arrives. Christmas dinner is interrupted for fence-building.