A Single Mother's Journey to Peace and Happiness

And if I would look at my relationships with men through rose-colored glasses, then it is time that I do the same for family. After all charity begins at home; anything less is hypocrisy. I hope my kids are better parents than me, and I hope that they benefit from my journey and all the lessons I learned on the way.

About a year after we separated, I called the children's father and asked his forgiveness. Our road to single parenthood has not been easy. It has been paved at times with hostility and verbal assault. And so I asked him to forgive me for whatever I did or did not do in our relationship that took away his joy. I told him that I had had my baggage when I came into our relationship and that my response to situations at times were as a result of the past. I let him know that I remember the times that he was a good husband, trying to be a good provider and I knew that he was going to continue to be a good father.

For me to tell someone that I forgive them without them asking for it seems somewhat presumptuous and arrogant. Usually I forgive others in my heart, let the injury go. That has always been enough. But in this case, I let him know that I had forgiven him for our past trials, let him know that he didn't have to feel bad about things he had or hadn't done in our relationship anymore because God in His mercy is healing and restoring us both. I sensed that he had needed to hear that so that he could move on. And then I wished him all the happiness that this life had to offer.

Even though our time of happiness together as husband and wife has passed, that should not prevent us from being good parents and bringing joy into our children's lives. Only when we work together and interact in a courteous and friendly manner can our children, who had been raised with chaos, finally begin to find peace once more.

When I was done talking, he simply said, “Thank you” and promised that he would always be there doing his responsibility as a father. It wasn't easy saying the words I said to him. I know my hurts had been real, but in asking for forgiveness, I did not want to focus on him and what he did, but rather focus on me and the responsibility I took to the contribution of chaos in our home. I did not want to bring up the pain of the past or to continue to hold on to it any longer. I wanted to be free. The past happened; it cannot be changed and it can never light up the path to my future. It is only the lessons learned from the past and the decisions I make based on heart that would truly light my way, as I take another step onward.