The Thinking, Doing and Believing Workbook

I. LOSING PERSPECTIVE The Developmental Approach asks the following question: How do we participate in the development of our depression, anxiety and stress? The short answer is that we lose perspective on what happened (depression), on what might happen (anxiety) and on what is happening (stress). We are seriously depressed when we feel pulled back by events we can’t control. We are chronically anxious when we feel inadequate to meet future challenges. We are overwhelmed with stress when we are disoriented by changes that we did not anticipate and/or do not welcome. But how do we lose perspective? What exactly do we do that so distorts our experience of the world? The Developmental Approach offers the following answers. Depression as losing perspective on the past • We often suppress depressive feelings. Rather than explore them we distract ourselves with uncomplicated activities. We go shopping, eat, drink, or watch TV. • On occasion we adopt habits that perpetuate this suppression. We shop, eat, drink or watch TV routinely because doing so keeps unpleasant feelings from coming to our awareness. • There are times when we invest in those habits. They become entrenched patterns which we rely on to maintain our stability. When we suppress our depressive feelings or adopt and invest in habits that perpetuate suppression we participate in the development of our depression. In doing so we lose sight of the events that surrounded our depressive feelings in the first place. The consequence of losing perspective on the past is, ironically, that we get stuck in the past; a typical complaint of depressed people is that they can’t let go of some issue that constantly pulls them back. If nothing is done to interrupt this pattern, feelings of hopelessness are unavoidable. Anxiety as losing perspective on the future • We often avoid and deny anxious feelings. We do so by procrastinating, minimizing or simply not taking seriously events that we find difficult. • On occasion we fall into patterns of avoidance and denial so that manageable problems become unmanageable and unmanageable ones become crises. • If avoidance and denial become a way of life day, to day problems seem to threaten our safety and security. When we avoid and deny anxious feelings we participate in the development of our anxiety. With these habits in place, we are certain to lose confidence in our ability to be effective actors and even to initiate changes. The consequence of losing perspective on the future is that we become immobilized. Chronically anxious people tend to complain that they are helpless to do anything about their problems or that they are trapped between incompatible demands. They tend to dwell on their growing sense of helplessness. Stress as losing perspective on the present • We often rationalize stressful feelings. Instead of recognizing changes in our social environment we explain them away. We say, for instance, “Work is fine; I’m just tired today” when we are burned out and hate the boss. • Sometimes changes occur abruptly. Often we rationalize them too. Thus, when our personal, family or professional lives are dealt a severe blow we are apt to construct some farfetched “reason” for this rather than describe the facts that are plainly in front of us. • If we continually maintain our rationalizations rather than a more objective interpretation of events we lose perspective on what is happening around us. It is not uncommon to rationalize but when it becomes a way of life this innocent pattern can create a completely artificial picture of the world. The consequence of losing perspective on the present is that we feel that “things are spinning out of control.” Our issue is not past losses or concerns about the future. It is that you feel removed from what is happening in the present. If you continue to be overwhelmed with stress and don’t get help you start to feel alienated and alienation can turn into disorientation. SUMMARY The Developmental Approach, as noted above, is not concerned with depression, anxiety and stress per se but with the process by which these troubling feelings grow to the point that they dominate our functioning. This process is viewed as one in which we lose perspective on some aspects of our lives. The Developmental Approach calls attention to the fact that losing perspective is something we do, not something that happens to us. We lose perspective in different ways depending on what is being processed and who is doing the processing. The consequences of losing perspective are always disruptive and can be devastating. II. REGAINING PERSPECTIVE If we participate in becoming more depressed, anxious and stressed then we can also participate in becoming less depressed, anxious and stressed. We can stop doing those things that contributed to our feeling awful, determine that some changes are indicated and replace the old unproductive behaviors with new, more purposeful, ones. We can, in short, regain perspective. How do we regain perspective? The Developmental Approach offers the following framework. Thinking Before setting about to solve a problem it is usually a good idea to think through how the problem arose in the first place and what needs to be changed. • Acknowledge emotional pain; denial is never a good long term strategy • Recognize our participation; this does not mean we should blame ourselves, only that we should recognize our role in the process • Choose to change. This may seem obvious but sometimes people who are in distress choose not to change for their own reasons. • Identify your issue. What patterns are most characteristic of your behavior? Doing After thinking about what needs to be changed the question of how to make those changes arises. In practice, we tend to go back and forth between what and how questions, at least until we settle on a particular course of action. Review your preliminary plan of action to see what perspective fits best with your experience. Depression • Goal: achieve emotional distance or reinterpret losses so that you no longer see yourself as a victim. • Skills include describing events and feelings separately; also reframing skills. • Objectives: see exercises Anxiety • Goal: be more assertive so that you have greater self confidence. • Skills include selecting projects, self evaluation (without blaming) and asking for help. • Objectives: see exercises Stress • Goal: be more self aware so that you can focus more clearly on what you value (not what you lost or what you fear) • Skills include mindfulness, playfulness and self affirmation • Objectives: see exercises Believing Rethinking our problems and taking purposeful action are essential to regaining perspective. But unless we believe that making these changes will provide real and lasting benefits it is unlikely that we will stick with our initiatives. What must we believe to regain perspective? The Developmental Approach suggests the following. We must believe: • The outcome of our initiatives will enhance our hopefulness, self-confidence and self awareness. • We can develop a recovery agenda by being optimistic, realistic and willing to ask for and accept guidance when it is offered. • We can articulate our wants and prioritize them in a supportive community. • We can share the story of our recovery with others who are also willing to share their stories.