Unwrapping The Mysteries Of Asperger's

I began reading through the list of Asperger's characteristics and suddenly felt I could no longer breath. The world stopped momentarily - or at least my world. Taking things literally, difficulty understanding sarcasm, difficulty with small talk, obsessed with facts and rules - the list continued on as my eyes quickly scanned the long list of Asperger's idiosyncrasies. Certain lights being bothersome, specific sounds perceived as irritating, dislike certain textures, difficulty in social situations, preference for friendships with older and younger people - the list went on and on - filled with familiarity. Tendency to be a loner, preference to communicate through written form rather than face-to-face, difficulty with reading body language, visual learner… I paused and placed the paper aside. How is it that I can relate to this list? I picked up the list and began scrutinizing. Tuning things out of non-interest, easily stressed, only able to focus on one thing at a time, appearance of sometimes being in own world, bluntness, difficulty expressing empathy, preference for non-fiction rather than fiction, easily distracted and startled. I read through that list over and over as I realized that I, myself, had most of those characteristics. Surely I didn't have Asperger's syndrome! Me, have “mild autism,” no way!

I later brought the paper home to show to my husband hoping that my silly perception had gotten the best of me. “This list describes you,” he blurted out. For the next several days and nights, my husband's words and that dreaded list played over and over in my head like someone was in charge of a remote control; constantly pressing rewind and play, rewind and play, rewind and play. I had thousands of flashbacks of my childhood and adolescence of when “Asperger's” explained it. All those other girls, talking and laughing, talking and laughing. I didn't understand them; they didn't understand me. I was the black sheep. Who is that weird girl I saw in the mirror? What about all those times I asked my parents to stop chewing so loudly? People getting mad at me for being rude and unsympathetic. “You don't pay attention, you are not listening….” There is a problem, I have to get a book, where is a book to help me solve that problem!? I have to have the facts, what are the statistics? NO! The flag is red, everybody get out of the ocean, and it's a rule! Sitting on strangers' laps. Those awful socks and terrible blue jeans. “You are so weird!” Please turn off that light! I have to write a letter, I just can't say it face to face. Silly and oblivious. I am going to jump out of my skin, I can't sit still, emotions are strangling me, I am drowning in something I don't know what!

"Oh, so that explains it.” I have Asperger's Syndrome. FINALLY, there was an explanation of why I had been so different and have had such difficulty with social situations and making friends my entire life. My Dad. My Dad has it too! He doesn't even know what it is. I have to tell him.

I had many questions and I wanted answers. I wanted to know what autism really was, what caused it, how it was related to Asperger's and how to prevent it. As a truth and knowledge seeker, I read everything I could find. I want to share what I have found.