1. Off Your Pills…
I’m losing her forever! From one look I’ve never
been so much in love. Yet I don’t even know her name. I must
say something before she walks out – “HEY, WHERE YOU
GOING SO FAST?” you desperately exclaim, too loud for the
restaurant, but you don’t care. There. You’ve said something.
You’ve given it your best shot.
Now you think, Oh my God. That stopped her. She’s even
smiling and happily walking back to me…. You glance – don’t
see a ring. So you have to jump out of yourself to find the energy
– “the sale” to see if she’ll give you her number. Your shrink says,
“If there’s eye contact and they give you their phone number,
then they’re interested.” And there’s been eye contact. In the
last five seconds she’s directly glanced with you a couple times,
while she smiled and did not hurry to put on her coat. You read
her interest is more than just curiosity, as if she’s advertising to
open the door into her life, saying – “I’m available!”
How could you not have noticed the back of her long blond
hair two booths down? Are you that withdrawn? Are you that
depressed? In a split second “the Plan” runs through your mind:
Just get her number. – Then, deliberately go off my pills.
Because she’s so cool, I have to be at my utmost best. I need
to be witty, charming, entertaining, funny, all the things I’m
not when on the brain chemical pills, Navene and Lithium, if I
have a chance of establishing a relationship with her, especially
to make it last.
“What are you? A writer?”
What’s your answer? Quick. You’re not going to lie or stretch
the truth, but coming right out and saying, until she knows and
really likes you, “I’m a schizoaffective-schizophrenic,” isn’t going
to sell her.
“Sure,” you casually respond, because how do you happen to
have all this stuff on your restaurant booth table? “See? Here’s
my portfolio.” I must run the best pieces under her eyes. –
“Here’s my front page interview with the Governor!” You hand
the magazine to her, pointing out your by-line name. Then you
pull out the page from the Mayor. “And here’s a thank you note
from him, for the piece I did on the Mayor.” I know I’ve got to
get it right the first time. There’s only time for one more. “And
here’s the letter from the advertising agency President who says
I’m one of the country’s best young creative minds.”
Count four. That’s the close. Shut up now and let the
customer react, one way or another. You wait. You wait. Three.
“I’m impressed!” she warmly states, holding the three, like
waiting for the fourth ace.
As you look up, her sea-green eyes destroy you. You did it.
At least you got initial acceptance. “Hi! I’m David England,”
you say extending your hand. Don’t stand up. Play it cool….
She shakes with a small hand of business strength. “I’ve
noticed you here, David. You seem so engrossed. I’m Allison
What the heck? I might as well come right out and say it.
– “Let’s have coffee sometime.”
She thinks, like she too has been looking for this moment
and coolly answers, “Okay!”
It worked. The number. The number! You pull out your
business card case and say, “Here’s my card.”
She studies. “The England Agency. What is it?”
I’ll give her my standard answer I fall back on when I have
to be part of society, as if it will work for even the bum on the
street, when asked what he does: “I’m in Advertising.” – Now
what? I’m so close. “Do you have a card, Allison?”
“Oh, do ya have another one? I’ll write my number on the
“Cool,” you say, not believing you’re over the hump – made
it this far. “Here.”
She writes with the card on the table, gently hands it back to
you, and enthusiastically says, “Call. I’ll meet ya somewhere.”
“Great,” you speak, trying not to act overly happy, as if you
get girls’ phone numbers all the time.
“See you,” she happily concludes, walking off . “Thanks for
getting my attention!”
As you’re feeling so in love with her, outside the window
she smiles and waves to you with expression. Then she’s a
You understand what you have to do. Here’s finally an
opportunity for your drag-of-a-life to be enriched. Because she’s
worth so much, due to the dull cloud of the pills you take, you
can’t be brilliant, or interesting enough to keep Allison through
coffee, much less start a great lifetime relationship. If you are
going to keep her attention and have something happen, you
feel you must go off your pills – to not be drugged down, rather,
have enough “personality” to engage her. You’re really sure of
this now with the new fact presenting itself out of the blue:
You’re holding both her home and office numbers!