NO BLAME/NO SHAME
Self-Empowerment Tools for Healing and Building Stronger Families
by
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No Blame/No Shame
Self-Empowerment Tools For Healing and Building Stronger Families
Introduction
….. The increasing awareness of the importance of appropriate parenting as the answer to so many problems facing our society today says that there is possibly room for one more parenting book. This is not the usual “how to” book with the focus on managing children’s behavior, keeping them healthy or understanding them. It is more than anything else, a book about helping parents and future parents to understand themselves and to examine their readiness for parenthood. This book’s intent is to encourage potential parents and those currently parenting young children to prepare for the most important task that they will ever undertake - the task of accepting responsibility for the birth, development, and outcome of another human being…….
This book attempts to respond to the many questions and concerns that have surfaced about the high rate of poverty, crime, violence, drugs, teen pregnancy, absent fathers, and neglected and abused children in our communities. It attempts to respond to tough questions from Bill Cosby and Alvin Poussaint’s “call out” to African American families; Tavis Smiley and his contributors’ ideas laid out in The Covenant for family growth and survival: and even Keisha Coles’ and others’ efforts to share with the world the anguish and pain associated with the absence of parental stability in one’s life. The autobiographies and other works by well known and highly respected individuals like Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, Iyanla Vanzant, J California Cooper, Chris Gardner and others who by sharing their childhood experiences have helped to shape my conviction that this book is relevant. The recent revelations about poverty and its fallout in places like Appalachia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Louisiana and other southern states, that surfaced during the last presidential election campaign, confirm that these conditions are more related to parenting issues and circumstances that hinder opportunity than to race, color or economic status.
The “call out” from Dr. Cosby and Dr. Poussaint (2007), with all its truth and candor, proved to be painful and embarrassing for some, who reported feeling “put down” and criticized. Others attempted to justify our plight, with reminders of a history shaped by slavery and discrimination. There is merit to all responses, thus highlighting the complexity of the situation. The aim of this book is to change the perception and self-image of so many parents and caretakers from “trifling and worthless” or even neglectful and abusive to more than anything else, people who are uninformed about how we as adults are stuck in patterns of behavior related to feelings, perceptions and experiences from our own childhood, that were imposed upon us from birth. It is to highlight the patterns of behavior that we pass on to the children in our care…
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The reader is encouraged to examine this book through a triple lens. The first lens should be with a focus on the family structure and value system of our forefathers, in comparison to the family structure and values that you aspire to in your own family. If you recognize a wide disparity that you are unhappy with, ask yourself why this disparity exists.
The second lens provides the opportunity for you to examine your readiness for parenting or your current parenting style and skills. The parenting topics covered in the book will provide the guidelines for you to focus on:
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About the Book
Have you given serious thought to your decision to become a parent,step-parent, foster or adoptive parent,even a teacher or any caretaker of a child? Have you considered what an awesome responsibility and privilege it is to guide the development and outcome of another human being? Are you already a parent who has questions or regrets about mistakes made during your parenting journey? Are you willing to begin to understand and accept the childhood experiences that are affecting your adult functioning and parenting style? Are you ready to move beyond the BLAME and SHAME of childhood trauma associated with neglect, abuse, loss and separation that affects your adult functioning? Will you consider using the tools of self-empowerment laid out in this book?
About the Author
Rosa Hood Herring has over 40 years experience in the Child Protection field, as a social worker and mental health therapist. She retired from Children's National Medical Center's Child and Adolescent Protection Center, in Washington, D.C. after 13 years of service. She is currently in private practice as a contract therapist and consultant, specializing in interpersonal relationships, child abuse and parenting issues. Dr. Herring earned her doctorate at Howard University's School of Social Work in Washington, DC. Her dissertation thesis: Decision Making With Child Abuse Victims and Their Families In A Pediatric Setting has provided an opportunity for extensive research in the area of loss and separation and its impact on individual and family functioning. Dr Herring's personal experience with loss and separation, includes the death of her mother when she was 4 years old and of her husband, when they were both 39 years old. Her purpose in writing this book is to encourage others who may be stuck in patterns of dysfunction related to childhood issues.