Reality

Don’t walk past me!  Mind you I’m not even in the credits so I can hardly blame you.  Who am I! Have a guess… yes, well done! That’s me.  Good you’re stopping so I will tell you my side of things and then you’ll understand why I’m bitter about it.

It’s all to do with talenames.  You’ve spoke to some of the others haven’t you? They aren’t really her royal whatsit or snow thingy or ratun….rapun…wassername.  Anyway it’s the talename that makes them. People love them, or rather the name in the story, because of the memorable name they have in the tale.  Their talename, understand.  I haven’t got one so that makes me virtually unknown, even those who know the story often get the vegetable or number of peas mixed up.  Horribly it’s the pea that is the memorable bit from my tale, why can’t it be me?

What!? Oh okay, I’ll get on with it.  I can see you’re about as interested in me as everyone else.  I think I only got invited because the vegetable couldn’t make it or may have been squashed in mad rush for autographs.  The talename is the difference between ‘A’list and ‘C’list in this town, this is the first celeb party I’ve been invited to in ages.  No, don’t leave, I’ll tell you the story.

Well it was all a bit of luck really.  I knew the prince had been looking for a bride and had been very choosy, unlucky for me I was confined to my bed at the time of his visit to my parent’s kingdom so I didn’t get to meet him.  Once I’d recovered I was encouraged by my parents to travel to meet him.  No I didn’t need much encouragement, I wanted to meet him, they just gently nudged me into not waiting in case someone else snapped him up.  I also think they realised it would be politically a very good move for our little kingdom.

Getting there was easy, I realised once I was in his kingdom that I had no idea of how to get an introduction.  You can’t just go bowling up to powerful royalty like him and say hi you know!  I had no contacts in the area to act on my behalf and my parents had packed me off before anyone thought of writing a letter of introduction or formalising the visit.

The storm was when my luck changed; I was in my room at the inn listening to the rain on the window when the idea came to me.  They only way to achieve a meeting was to be the damsel in distress needing shelter and allow him to be my saviour in my hour of need.  Praying that the storm would not abate I rushed to their residence, luckily they were in town for ‘the season’ and not at the country estates so it wasn’t too far. 

Yes it was a good job; again luck was on my side.  If they had been any further away I might have drowned that evening, the rain was a wall of water I had to climb through, fighting every step of the way.  I had to force myself to continue, repeating constantly the benefits of the endeavour if it worked out.  Oh my! You’re looking pre-occupied again, I’ll move on shall I?

I eventually reached their abode and hammered as hard as I could on the door.  I was suddenly terrified that no one would hear me over the storm.  Luckily the father did and I duly pleaded my case, stating at the outset that I was a princess; I wanted him to know that I was available as soon as possible.  I did manage to avoid talking about where I had come from and why I was in their kingdom at that time.  How?  I just kept talking about my parent’s kingdom and how terrible the storm was.  It was a good job it was late as that prevented too much conversation time so it never got round to the uncomfortable questions.

My suspicions should have been raised when his mother excused herself early, muttering something inaudible as she scuttled out the room.  I was so glad that my badly made plan had worked thus far that I wasn’t fully concentrating; also the prince was a bit of catch so I kept my attention more fully on him than I possibly should have.  Bedtime finally arrived and I thought I would be able to relax in the sumptuous rooms they had allocated me.  I was pleased to find, on reflection, that I liked the family.  Even the slightly strange mother so I really felt my luck was holding out.

When I arrived at my bedroom I couldn’t believe it, twenty mattresses with twenty feather beds on top!  Yes I know, unfortunately that was not art