A Kiwi on the Costa Brava

We move into the lounge, take seats around the fireplace and sip on red wine as he describes life in Edinburgh.

‘And what about your English,’ I ask, in English, as Karen nips into the kitchen to put a pizza into the oven.

‘Yes, yes,’ he replies in English with a strong accent. ‘I think I am improving a lot but sometimes the Scottish accent is very difficult.’

‘I agree, and what about the food?’

‘I find some of the food very, very bad,’ he complains. ‘Jonny it gives me a very bad stomach, very bad kaka. How do you say kaka in English Jonny?’ he asks.

‘Well, I suppose the equivalent is pooh,’ I answer. Alex laughs.

‘Really Jonny, you mean I must say pooh pooh.’

‘No you can just say pooh,’ I insist.

‘Just pooh?’ he asks. ‘Are you sure?

‘Yes, just pooh,’ I assure him.

‘Okay,’ says Alex with a serious face just as Karen enters the room. ‘Sometimes in Scotland I have very bad pooh.’

‘Que dius – What’s that?’ asks Karen with a smirk.

‘We’re talking about kaka,’ I explain.

‘You mean pooh pooh,’ adds Alex.

‘No just pooh,’ I insist.

‘Ah yes, yes,’ he agrees, ‘I forgot, just pooh.’

Karen shakes her head with disbelief and retreats back into the kitchen. In fact there is no reason why she should be so surprised.

Catalans are prone to conversations of a scatological nature. Shit is somewhat of an obsession with them and on the most bizarre occasions they will end up discussing it with surprising frankness. When I go mountaineering with Alex in the Pyrenees, I always have to endure a morning half hour of him vocally analysing the state of his bowels. Still, what can one expect from a culture that produces popular rock bands with names such as Els Pets, which in English means The Farts? I cannot imagine U2 or Led Zeppelin ever considering such a name.

Perhaps the most well known manifestation of this scatological preoccupation is the caganer. This is a little figure of a shepherd or a farmer who forms part of nativity displays at Christmas. Whilst Mary and Joseph and the Three Kings are admiring baby Jesus, the caganer sits in a corner under a tree with his pants down and a smile on his face performing a scatological act. You see him in homes and in window displays all over Catalonia.