The Long Journey Home

“Relax!” I impatiently yell at her. “This hurts......wait a minute. Stop. Just stop.” The tone in her voice showed signs of disappointment. I was the target. This made me change my attitude real quick. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just frustrated with the fact that it’s hurting you and I can’t make it any better. Forgive me.” As Trina began to move from under me and sit up on her elbows, she asked me, “Dwayne, do you love me or at least care for me?” The look in her eyes made me realize this wasn’t a game. She needed to know. What do I tell her because I don’t have feelings for her in the way she wants? “Over the time that we were corresponding, I started to realize that you’re someone I can be with on a special level. So yes, I do have feelings for you.” I lied. That was all she needed to hear because she started to lay back down. “Please be patient with me “she asked. “I will. Just relax”. Within the next few seconds, the journey started again. This time around, things were different. As this figure of dark beauty began to lie back down, she whispered, “I do want to.” “I know,” I replied. For some unknown reason a feeling of guilt came over me. This was supposed to be a simple ‘wham, bam, thank you --ma’am’ encounter. To her, it was much more. Losing your virginity should be between two people who have deep feelings for each other. Not to someone who may not respect you later. But then again, a man can camouflage his feelings well. We’re notorious for telling a woman what she wants, or needs to hear and not mean a word of it. I guess some of them seem to be such easy victims because they think with their heart and not their heads. I began to think if either of my older sisters were in this situation with a dude and they were to call me up complaining about how some guy did them wrong. I’d be the first person ready to kick some dude’s ass. Now look at me. The same thing I would protect my sister’s from, I’m doing. Oh well, that’s life. Everybody gets played. No one is exempt. No one!