The Price For Healing Relationships

I have learned from every woman I have touched. Each special moment, glistening under the moonlight in my mind, and sprinkled throughout the pages of this book. Yet, my mother’s impression, and my relationship with God, is the conduit to a greater appreciation of womanhood. In other words, being intimate with ‘the field,’ has only taught me intimacy, because of my desire to know what a woman needs physically and emotionally. None of my experiences could show me how to love a woman. It took God’s example to teach me how to love. Loving is a spiritual experience that shares God, with the person you are with, in ways beyond human comprehension. When we choose to look at a woman, through God’s eyes, then intimacy is but one chapter, to the book of God’s intention for the love bond. Marriage, as defi ned by God’s word, is His threshold to a realization of His purpose. (Genesis 2, Holy Bible, King James Version). It is important, for men, to understand that approach, when truly loving a woman, means little, without the balance of sincerity, integrity, sensitivity, commitment and consideration. Notice, I said loving a woman, not just bringing her to orgasm. A man’s approach has to speak care and concern, for all the aspects of womanhood, not just one or two areas. More importantly, making love to a woman you have not committed your heart to, with marriage in mind, is similar to a sinner praising God without committing to a personal relationship with Him. It is more eventful to love someone to whom you have committed your heart and life’s direction. Th e connection is much more involved, when you know your spouse, and are sensitive to her needs and wants. Knowing when to touch is sometimes more important to a woman than touching the right place. Listening intently is at times more valuable than all the advice you can off er. Being in tune to each other comes through relationship. I have learned to be timely with my approach of love, and to love according to the person to whom I am committed. You cannot love a woman based upon how you loved someone else, and vice versa. Love adjusts according to the needs of the heart. I have learned from every woman I have hurt, and I am committed to live the opposite of the action, drying the tears of injury. Somewhere, deep in their pain, was a voice from God calling for me to correct my actions, and change my ways to mirror His ways. I did not like what I saw in my mirror. Yet, God used my inner tears, to begin healing in me, and present His ministry of words for others. When a man has no sense of identity or he is unsure of what he wants, and he involves himself in a love relationship with a woman, he sets her up for hurt and chaos. His actions will refl ect instability, teaching lies or half-truths concerning who he is, where he is going in life, and what standards he lives by. Women need men who know they love them, and why, and can express that love to them 24/7, 365. My mother set the stage for me, and though I strayed from her words, I have found them deep inside, still intact and functional, through the storms of my life. I understood my mother better, as I viewed her heart of emotions. As the years passed, her face revealed her heart’s integrity, tucked away within her comfort zone of silence, hidden from those who would challenge her smile. I appreciate her, equally, for what she didn’t do. She didn’t abandon me. She didn’t abuse or moleste me. She didn’t allow her pains or hurts to hinder my dreams. She didn’t choose selfi shness as her guide; she didn’t choose diff erently. Her love, of loyalty and support, would be the image impressed within my pulse, to challenge romantic arrivals into my world. What my mother and I share is a result of God’s plan to mend the foundation of my purpose, damaged by dysfunction. The value and importance of the mother and son relationship has been appreciated through my storms. Th ough, I would have gladly bypassed the experience of dysfunction, I have a closer walk with moms because of it. Th ere is an unspoken communication between us, spirit to spirit, that I have longed for in love relationships. I regarded my mother, as my strongest support under God. However, my father’s absence, and even his absence while present, caused her to overcompensate with allowance, and undercompensate with direction, not being a man. Consequently, my ghosts are too real to dismiss. Yet, I unlearn as I heal and compensate lack with Spirit. “Beauty’s only skin deep.” It’s amazing, how these words would leave my mother’s lips, and become wisdom embedded in my DNA of decisions. My fi rst girlfriend lived across the street near the corner of Eager Street, on Rutland Avenue in Baltimore. She was a kind, soft and spirited seven year old. I remember sitting on her parent’s front steps, searching desperately for words to break the silence. I mean, come on! What does an eight-year-old boy say to a seven-year-old girl? All I knew was that her caramel skin and soulful eyes were reason enough for me to wrap a towel around my neck and pretend I was Superman to impress her . . . It worked! Or did it? Maybe, she was smiling because she knew she had me wrapped around her finger.

The expression of love inside flows more consistently, as a communication of adoration, when the application of touch is motivated by God’s love and consideration.