I Learned Worship

There were a lot of young couples at the church and most of them were close because they were in- laws or related to some extent. Few couples were living saved, and some did it all.

Roy, my side kick, ex-sugar daddy would give me money to put in church, right before he and the other dealers would tell me about the Pastor doing more wrong than they do. Supposedly going with another church member and buying stolen lumber from them. I brushed it off and thought maybe they are just making it up. The dope spot was across the street from the church, so in the wee hours of the night, they saw him creeping.

Well, like shepherd, like sheep. The pastor allowed his daughters to do anything and wear anything and never said a word. All sorts of things were taking place, but I did not know of it.

There was a time in my walk with God, I got weary while Anthony was in jail and began to confide in a married couple at the church. Lisa and Dennis, who was a preacher and soloist, they had children also, so I felt comfortable in talking to them. We became close and I felt it was helping me. They shared a lot of their struggles with me also; I let down my guards and let the wife get next to me.

Away from Dennis, she told me of her desires and the need to express those feelings. She told me of wanting to be with another couple sexually or to experience being with a woman. At first I thought she was joking, being a beautiful young lady, I could not see it. She could have any man she wanted, but her desires began to surface towards me. We were cool, but not that cool! They invited me over for lunch one afternoon to discuss my involvement in ministry, and it went well. Her husband left the room to go to his office for a moment and she began to make advances toward me. I whispered to her, “I don’t get down like that”. Then he returned, we began to rap things up and I started home.

Our children were playmates so we said that we would let them come over soon. The next evening we had to sing at another church off of Crenshaw Avenue where the pastor had to preach, all were there and afterward Lisa wanted to talk. I put the children in the car and stood on the outside of the car to see what was so important. She apologized and said “are we still cool?” I replied yes. I went to see Anthony and told him and he laughed about it, but I said it was someone else.

   The following week, we met up to go shopping and hang out a while, and then we went to her place. The day went well until her husband came home. She changed and acted as if she was mad at him, but she got over it after they excused themselves to talk. She and I went into another room to watch a movie and continued talking. Once again she made advances toward me and I froze, I said, “Your husband is here stop!” She said, so! and to my surprise I let her have her way with me, then a knock at the door and her husband came in, and was not shocked! So I thought they planned this. So there we were engaged in sexual activity, enjoying the filthiness of our flesh. When it was over, I put on my clothes and fled. Lisa came running to my car and asked was I okay, gave me money and I drove off. I could not believe what just happened and told no one. I did not know what to feel.

   I continued going to church and said nothing to Anthony when he came home. Church was as usual for Lisa and Dennis, it did not seem to bother them at all. As the Pastor found out things that were going on in the church, he would make you get up and confess before the church, but he never confessed his own sins. I repented and was so embarrassed of myself.