The Honeybear Saga

The Leprechaun’s Tale

"Miles and miles away from the United States, near Blarney Castle in the Emerald Isle, we turn our attention to an uninhabited green field. In the center, we see a very angry leprechaun appear. He is dressed completely in green, has a clover coming out of his hat, has red facial hair, and is of the same stature that we associate with leprechauns. This one, however, begins hopping up and down and shaking his fists. Agonized cries are audible. After he's calmed down a bit, he begins to speak with a traditional Irish accent. "Not fair! It is not fair, I tell you! Why? Why did me monks fail me? That stupid baboon. Oh, he and I go way back. I'll never forget that day..."

We are then able to enter the leprechaun's mind. It is St. Patrick's Day, and we see him happily walking through Dublin, minding his own business. He reaches a pub and ventures inside. He is sort of worried for being out in public, but since it IS St. Patty's day, he feels he can do this. All he wants is to fit in with the general population. After all, he has always felt like an outsider. The leprechaun walks into the pub, finds an empty stool, and hops on, careful not to fall down. The pub is somewhat crowded; he sees several people and a baboon drinking together nearby. The baboon says something about having to flee Africa after eating a baby's brain. The men around him only laugh listening to this since they are so far gone. The leprechaun is troubled but says nothing. Instead, he starts drinking. "Fine evening isn't it bartender?" The bartender looks as if he is holding back laughter. "Yes, yes it is. What'll you be having?" "I think I'll start me off with a car bomb," says the leprechaun, already savoring the smooth taste. As the bartender prepares his drink, the leprechaun can't help but notice that the baboon is now looking at him. He starts smiling, says something to the guys near them, and the whole group begins laughing their ass off. The leprechaun is somewhat bothered, but tries to let it go. The bartender returns. "Here you go." "Many thanks to you," replies the leprechaun. He drops the shot of Bailey's given to him into the glass containing Guinness, then chugs the entire drink. Some of the men near the baboon (including the baboon himself) stare in awe. He even hears "Shit, did you see what I just saw?" Then, the entire group laughs very loudly. The leprechaun dismisses it as drunken behavior. "I'll take another," he tells the bartender. "These are so delicious." The bartender raises an eyebrow at the leprechaun, wondering if it is wise to actually give him another. "Well," he thinks, "I'm sure this guy knows his limit." "Alright," he tells him, and begins preparing a second. As soon as the leprechaun receives his second car bomb, he repeats the process of dropping and chugging. The group of men nearby stares in amazement. He orders a third, already slightly starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. One must remember that he is not a very large individual. He chugs down his third and orders a fourth, smiling much more frequently. He chugs another and feels like having a fifth. All of the people in the pub are now looking at the leprechaun with wonder. Conversations have stopped and the only thing the leprechaun hears is "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" as they urge him on. He downs the fifth and orders a sixth. Right after, he decides that seven is probably enough, and believes that it is a lucky number. This is when things turn sour for the leprechaun. After consuming his seventh car bomb, though very much feeling euphoric, he also starts feeling very dizzy. It doesn't help that all he hears is a lot of cheering and the pub seems much brighter than usual. The leprechaun suddenly can take no more. He pays for his drinks and hops off the stool. Unfortunately, he loses his balance and lands facedown on the floor. He is aware of the fact that the pub has become as silent as a tomb. Then, he hears a familiar voice yell "Lightweight! Why the hell don't you go to a pub for pussies?" This comment causes the room to erupt in cheers and laughter. The leprechaun tries to get up but only ends up vomiting on the floor. This pleases the crowd even more and the baboon that just belittled him laughs even louder. The leprechaun will never forget ultimately getting up, looking at the glee in the baboon's face, and somehow ambling out of the pub. He then begins to cry, throws up some more, and walks away from the scene, vowing never again to show his face in Dublin.

These memories only anger the leprechaun even more. "You'll pay!" he yells at the deserted field. "Mark me words...YOU...WILL...PAY!" and with them, he vanishes as soon as he appears."