The Best that I Can Recall

 “I was wholly unprepared for the anger stage of her disease.  While Carolee might be annoyed by one thing or another, she rarely exhibited anger as she did after she became afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease.  She seemed angry with life and wreaked her revenge on everyone around her, especially the caregivers and me.  Suddenly, Carolee began cursing like a drunken sailor.  She used words that I did not know were in her vocabulary.  She threw objects; she hit me and the caregivers; she refused to take her pills and spat them at me; she pounded her fist on the table.

            I have a vivid recollection of Saturday morning, June 16, 2007.  The morning began peacefully enough.  She awakened about 5:00 to go to the toilet.  When she returned, she smiled, gave me a kiss, and crawled into bed beside me.  About an hour later, I awakened to find her making the bed while I was in it.  At first, I thought she was teasing and treated it as a joke.  Then, I realized that she was angry that I was in bed and preventing her from making the bed properly.  She cursed, began to hit me, and threatened to kill me.  By this time, I had gotten out of bed and had begun to dress.  She stomped on my foot, as hard as she could and said,  “I hope that hurts you."  I don’t think that she knew who I was, and I certainly did not recognize her.

            I offered to help her dress and to fix her breakfast.  Each suggestion seemed to increase her anger.  She struck me several times with her hand.  I went to the kitchen to begin fixing breakfast.  She followed me, continuing to swear at me as we walked down the hallway.  At one point, she spat on me.  I went outside to get the newspapers, and she locked the door behind me.  Fortunately, I keep a key in the garage and was able to let myself back into the house.

            As I entered the house, her mood changed abruptly.  She said that she missed me, loved me, and was glad that I was not like the other man who had been in the house earlier.  In a few minutes, her mood changed, and again she became very angry.  She threw a glass of water on me, and would have thrown the glass if I had not restrained her.  I did not recognize the person before me.  I have rarely seen such anger and hatred.

            After about ten minutes, she changed again.  She became sweet and loving, the Carolee we know.  She could tell that I had been badly shaken by events during the past hour.  When she asked what was bothering me, I told her what had happened; she had no memory of any of it.  She was disturbed by what I told her.

            I began to wonder if I should take her physical threats seriously.  I knew that I could defend myself when I was awake, but I was unsure what she might do while I was asleep.  Previously, it seemed impossible to me that Carolee could physically harm anyone.  It is not her nature.  Now, I was not so confident.  That day, I saw Carolee as I had never seen her before, she was intent on hurting me if she could find a way to do so.”