Anna's Waltz

We dressed Mattie Rose in her prettiest dress, coat and hat to visit the Reverend. It was a long walk over the rutted streets to his home. She slept all the way. Mrs. Grauberg greeted us without surprise at our arrival. She ushered us to the Reverend’s study. We sat down to wait for him. We could hear them talking, although we couldn’t make out the words. It sounded as though they were conspiring. Gunther and I looked at each other and nearly laughed out loud. Reverend Grauberg fastened his white collar in place as he entered the room. With no greeting, he sat in his chair behind his desk. He waited, saying nothing. Gunther cleared his throat and the room remained quiet as though waiting for thunder. Mattie Rose was squirming in my arms, turning toward me wanting to nurse. I put her on my shoulder, hoping she wouldn’t fuss Finally, I broke the silence. “Reverend, I would like to arrange for Mattie Rose’s christening on Christmas Day. Your church is where my family attends as well as where I am still a member. My sisters and brothers will be excited to see their niece christened.” He sat very still, his hands on his desk, playing with a pen. He fingered the ink well, but did not dip the pen. He was staring at the pen. I looked at Gunther, and he shrugged. We were both waiting for the Reverend’s response. He looked up very sternly. My stomach tightened, and my head throbbed. What was coming? “Anna Poelsner, I will not christen your daughter. You are living in sin. I conducted the ceremony which bound you and John Poelsner until ‘death do you part.’ You have broken God’s law.” “Excuse me, Reverend Grauberg, but I am Anna Leicht now. Gunther and I were married in June. Mattie Rose carries his name. There is no sin here.” I spoke,shocked at this turn of events. “There is only one reason for divorce and remarriage. John did not commit adultery. You abandoned him. Don’t try to tell me that this child is not John Poelsner’s daughter. She was born nine months after you left the farm. Your marriage was sanctified by your joining with John.” His voice made me feel low and degraded. “JOINING, as you call it was not my choice! I refused Mr. Poelsner until he forced himself on me. I only married him because my father had made an arrangement with Mr. Poelsner. I wanted to be rid of my father’s control forever. Once married, Mr. Poelsner became ill. As soon as I was able, I left the farm. I had no idea at the time I had conceived. I knew that I would have no choice but to go back to him if he knew I carried his child. My daughter was not born in sin, other than Mr. Poelsner’s actions to bed me under force.” My voice was high, in my anguish. “In God’s sight, my DEAR, you are living in sin with a man who is NOT your husband. Shall I read the scriptures to you?” In a damning voice the Reverend had pierced my self control. Gunther stood up, pointing to our nemesis. “YOU are passing judgement where you have no right. You knew my wife was forced into marriage with John Poelsner. Yet you performed the ceremony. Anna came in anguish to speak to Mrs. Grauberg prior to her marriage. You took no steps to ensure the marriage was sacred to both parties. If you had counseled as you are pledged BEFORE GOD to do, that marriage would never have taken place.” Both the Reverend and I stood. I held Mattie Rose close to me as she began to cry. Reverend Grauberg angrily told us to leave. Mrs. Grauberg was in the hall as we came through the door. “Don’t plan a christening at your church, it was just cancelled,” I announced, surprising myself more than my audience. While we were walking home, Gunther asked,“Anna, that man all but called you a whore. You were shocked to your toes. Yet when we leave, you tell his wife ‘the christening has been cancelled’? Where did that come from?” “Self protection, I guess. I didn’t insult anyone this time, though, Gunther.” Suddenly a tiredness seeped over me. As though he could read my thoughts, Gunther put his arm around me for a hug. He took my place behind the carriage for the rest of the way home.