Every once in a while—in fact far more often than you even realize—someone gives you a gift. And most people, while they accept the gift, don’t use it for what it is intended. What am I talking about here? I’m referring to when someone, anyone, says to you, “What do you think?” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard people give their opinion, and I know for a fact it’s not their opinion. Indeed, I can tell you, of all of the ways to be “one in a million,” for some reason this is by far and away the most difficult. But because so few people actually say what they really think, practicing this behavior, consistently and tactfully, will truly result in differentiating yourself.
Wait a minute! What’s this “tactfully” thing? I could go off on a tangent here. Actually, I will—because it’s important. I’ll come back to the Gift after I try to explain. First of all, there are far too many people in the world who say exactly what they think in ways that are demeaning, arrogant, and even malicious. This is not a way to differentiate oneself. This lack of tact and respect only serves to create damage and alienate many—not a good way to lead to success. Secondly, and on a related note, the importance of understanding the difference between “nice” and “soft” is quite important here. Something you must never do is confuse nice with soft. And you should always be nice, but never be soft. Let me give you an illustration. I had moved into a new job and had inherited an assistant. On my third day, my assistant was late for the second time, and I had already noticed a few areas where she needed to improve. I called her into my office and explained that, although I didn’t know what her previous boss expected, she needed to understand what I expected. We worked together for about an hour outlining areas where I felt she needed to improve and specifying my expectations in the areas of her work. Long story short: a couple of months later when she left the business, she lamented to her colleague, “He was so nice; I never expected him to fire me.”
You see, nice is all about being considerate, respectful, and tactful. (Remember? That’s how we got off on this tangent.) Soft is about not having standards and being overly flexible. In this example, I consistently treated my assistant with consideration and respect, and always discussed things with her tactfully. I did not berate her or yell at her or disparage her in any way. However, I was always clear about my expectations, and clear about where she wasn’t meeting those expectations. Notwithstanding all of that, she confused nice with soft.
I believe “nice” and “soft” relate to the Gift because a lot of people don’t give their genuine opinion either because they simply lack courage or because they are trying to be nice and in the process of being nice, they are soft.
Now, don’t get me wrong—when your wife or girlfriend asks, “Does this make me look fat?” you lie your face off. Or when your husband or boyfriend asks what you think about his singing, you tell him he missed his calling. But if you give your opinion when you are asked for your opinion, you will really set yourself apart.