So You Want To Be Married?

                               Allow In-Laws
                      To Smother New Marriage

   This situation is going to be a hard but fair one to
manage. To begin, you and your mate have to be on the
same page. Both of you have to be willing to accept each
others in-laws and their many facets of whom they are.
   A measure of patience has to be made from day one, and both of you have to make a game plan for respectable space.  Most in-laws are going to be very happy for the marriage and ready to spend as much time as possible getting to know the new addition to the family. The problem occurs when one and or both newlyweds feel they are obligated to entertain the parents whenever they request visiting.
  Parents have a way of being pushy and sometimes don’t
realize their excitement for a new relationship can be
perceived as being nosey or needy. It’s ok to have them
around for special occasions but make sure you set limits
and establish a force field around your new marriage.This will eliminate unwanted in-law pop-ups and confirm that you and your spouse are one. Parents are aware that the newness of a marriage can be somewhat confusing to a fresh couple; so they feel compelled to “add their two cents” in on everything they possibly can to affirm their own idealizations. You should take in all the advice given but only use the good and throw away the bad.

  For example, John was married for a few months and before he knew it, his mother in law was sleeping in his guest room on the night before Christmas but John really expected to spend his first Christmas with his wife alone. He had so many plans of being Naked Santa, with his wife playing Mrs. Naughty Claus. That plan went to the toilet once he realized his mother desperately wanted to visit for the holidays. His first thoughts were “Hell No”, but he did not want to hurt his wife’s feelings because she was comfortable with it. If John disagreed to his mother in-law’s visit, this would have made him look like the bad son in-law off the bat; so he agreed. In the back of John’s mind he was thinking, “what have I got myself into?” I know this woman knows we just got married and are in need of new special moments with each other. Not to mention, what the hell is my wife thinking by even entertaining something like this so early in the marriage”? That simple situation caused years of anguish
between John and his spouse because he always had to deal with his mother in-laws showing up on his doorstep every holiday. It created an environment of being phony just to save face. Not to mention the mother in- law did not care because she was a needy parent anyway. Situations like this caused a break down in the relationship and resulted in John feeling that his wife did not know when to say no to her mother. That’s a bad way to start a relationship.Newlyweds have to realize they are the most important thing and their happiness comes from each other. They have to learn how to say no to in-laws and keep them as far away until the marriage has strength and focus. Once this is established, the newlyweds can allow in-laws in slowly with a precautionary mindset.

   This may seem like harsh actions towards in-laws, but it’s the only way you can establish respect early in your marriage.