Nobody but You, Lord

The Power of the Trigger: War between Two Voices

Getting out of bed early one morning, I tiptoed into the kitchen to get my share of food because food was scarce in our home. I thought everyone was sleeping until I heard Momma calling my name. “Lorene!” (That was the nickname she gave me.) “Get those dishes washed.” I was very angry because I knew my sister Faye-Baby had not washed the dishes the day before when it was her turn and Momma knew it, too. She always waited on my day to make me do two days of dishes. I didn't want to do my sister’s chores. Why didn't Momma have her do her own chores?

My second brother had been partying and drinking when he came home that night. Before he went to sleep, he had laid the gun on top of the old-fashioned stereo. Momma wasn’t aware of this situation.

This was the first time I experienced two voices talking to me. I realized later in life that it was the voice of God and the voice of the devil. The first voice said to me, ”Do you see that gun over there?” I looked and thought yes! “If I were you,” it said, “I would take that gun and put it to my head and shoot because there’re probably no bullets in it.” That sounded all right. I picked up the gun and pointed it to the temple of my forehead and would have pulled the trigger, but I heard another voice speaking to me saying, “If I were you, I wouldn't do that.” I then rested my arm to my side, the gun still in my hand.

Again I heard the voice speaking to me saying, “If I were you, I would take the gun and point it to my head and shoot because there're probably no bullets in it and you shouldn't have to do your sister’s dishes.” I again obeyed the voice that was speaking to me. As soon as I pointed the gun to my head, I heard another voice interrupt saying, “If I were you, I wouldn't do that.” So I rested the gun by my side.

A third time I heard the voice speaking to me. “If I were you …, but before it could finish speaking, the other voice interrupted, saying, You see those records over there?” The records were stacked about four feet high on the top of the stereo. I looked and in my mind, I said, “Yes” the voice said to me, If there aren’t any bullets in that gun, pull the trigger and shoot those records. I remember I couldn't. I couldn't seem to move. Then a power came into my hand, and it pulled my trigger finger for me, and the gun fired! The records shattered into pieces all over the living room. Momma jumped out of bed screaming, not knowing what had happened.