One Life...One Night

Chapter 28: I Can Do All Things

I go through my wallet and I pull out a folded sheet of paper with typing on it. I don’t remember where I got the sheet from, but from the moment I read it, I’ve taken it everywhere with me. It’s made a tremendous impact on me. I normally read it when I’m down or confused. I read it when I have to make a difficult decision. No matter what the situation, I try to relate  the words on the sheet to what I’m going through. I unfold the sheet and I begin to read.

There is typing at the top of the page, and a paragraph in the middle.

Philippians 4:13—

            I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called failure, a loop called confusion, speed bumps called friends, red lights called enemies and caution lights called family. You will have flats called jobs, but if you have a spare called determination, an engine called perseverance, insurance called faith, and most importantly, a driver named Jesus… you will make it to a place called success.

I read this passage twice, and for the first time, I still don’t have more understanding of my situation after reading it than before I read it. I try to better place what’s going on in my life with the passage… searching for more understanding.

My road to success has never been straight. It’s seems like not only have I come across curves, but sometimes I think I’ve gotten on the wrong road completely… time and time again. Right now though, I feel like I’ve come to the biggest curve of my life. I feel like I’ve more than failed with Meek. I put my all into her. I was honest, committed, and faithful. I would die for her and she did this to me. Failure seems like an understatement when I compare it to our relationship.

The curve I’m on must be a loop, because not only have I failed, I’m confused too. I don’t know why I failed. I’ve failed at relationships before, but I knew why. I messed up. This time, I tried so hard to do everything right. I don’t know why I failed and I don’t know why I feel the way I do. Why do I still love her after what she has done to me? Why was Angel placed inside my life… what purpose does she serve? Out of all the people in this great big world, why Lord did Meek end up with my brother? Lord I’m so confused. Is Angel my friend to help slow me down… is she here to keep me from going back down the same path… to keep me from going back down the wrong path? Was Meek the wrong path? Which path do I take Lord? Tameka… Malik… are they my enemies or my family? Lord I’m so confused.

A have a spare and I don’t think it will help me Lord. I don’t even know what to use my spare for right now. What should I be determined for? Who should I focus this determination on? When you have one spare and you have three flats… your engine doesn’t seem to matter much anymore. I don’t want to persevere. I just want to cry.

I can’t give up though. I have to find a way to stay positive. I have to find the good in all of this bad. If I have to drive my car with two flats, I will persevere. I’ll get some new rims after I’ve made it to my destination, and I know my insurance will pay for it. I just have to keep on believing. I have to keep faith. Even though that seems to be hardest thing to do right now, I have to keep faith. If I lose my faith, I won’t make it through the day. I’m going to make it.

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