A Real Man

We were in bed one evening, and she was reading a book while purposefully ignoring me.

     “We need to talk,” I said.

She kept reading as if I didn’t say anything at all. I took the book and slammed it on the bed.

     “Priscilla, I understand that you’re hurting, but I am still your husband and you are still my wife. I will not sit here and tolerate disrespect in my own home. Now, I left you alone for more than enough time to get off of your chest what it is that you think is there. I normally wouldn’t do this, but I’m tired of this attitude. It stops tonight! You are going to open up your mouth and say something.”

     “Fine Frank,” she snapped. “You want to talk, let’s talk.”

     “Look, if this whole attitude is about me turning your cell phone off and making you miss a phone call, baby I’m sorry; but we both know that this is deeper than that and as your husband I want to know what it is that’s on your heart.”

     “You still don’t get it, do you? Yeah, turning off my phone was a problem, but I didn’t even really want to go down there in the first place. I should’ve just done what my heart was telling me to begin with and just stayed up here and taken care of him. Who knows? He might’ve been here today.”

     “Who knows? Baby, the Creator don’t make no mistakes, and although your father was a great man, you have to let it go for your own sake.”

     “Let it go?” she snapped. “How do you expect me to just let it go?”

     “You’re not making it any easier,” I finally snapped back. “I try to be there for you, but you constantly shut me out. How do you think being rejected by my own wife makes me feel? Priscilla, this stops now. If you couldn’t let your dad go in life, you have to let him go in death.”

     “Oh please, Frank!” She retorted. “What do you know? You’ll never be half the man my father was.”

I got up and grabbed a pillow to head for the couch.

     “Baby, I love you too much to say anything to hurt your heart,” I responded. “I know that you said that out of hurt and anger, so I’m going to go sleep downstairs before I either end up saying something that I’ll regret or end up knocking your head off. If you need me for anything I’ll be downstairs.”

I left the room and slammed the door behind me. I sat up for awhile just thinking about what Prissy had said to me. Her words echoing over and over in my head; I would never be half the man that her father was. Even though it wasn’t true it still hurt me to my heart to hear those words come from her mouth. I was hoping that she would come down and apologize for her comments so that we would be able to move on from that point. But no such luck, she didn’t come down and apologize and things got worse before they got better. The following morning I went upstairs to check on Prissy, but she was already up, and she was packing her things. I just looked at her in disbelief.

     “After all of these years I can’t believe that you still handle heartache by running,” I said.

     “I’m not running,” she responded. “I’d rather not be around you at all than to say things that will hurt you. These last few weeks I have not been myself, and I don’t like it at all.”

     “That’s what I am here for, for you to talk to me about what it is that you’re feeling. I want and need for you to open up to me.”

     “It’s hard Frank,” she responded. “It’s hard because I feel so many different things, and I can’t even begin to explain them. I’m angry, but I don’t know who to be angry at, so I found a reason to be angry with you. I’m hurting, Frank. I never had to live without my father being a part of my life, and I’m not sure if I can do it. There are only two men who I’ve ever looked up to and one of them isn’t here anymore.”

She sat on the edge of the bed and put her face in her hands and started crying.

     “Hey listen, we are in this together. We are a tandem, what you feel is what I feel.”

I took both of her hands and led her to stand up so that I could hug her.