Just Do Me

            Ruby awoke with a fur covered tongue, pounding headache and a thirst that needed immediate attention.  However, before doing anything, she had to remember where she was.  That was an easy enough task.  The hotel directory was right by the phone.  O.K., so she was at the Howard Johnsons Motel on Riverbend Ave, one mystery solved.  So then, where was Candi?  It took a pee, two glasses of water, two aspirin and the starting of a pot of coffee before her mind started to function.  All right, she went out with Candi last night, they got drunk and Oh God, she told Candi everything about Brett and, Oh, double shit, Brett was gay!  The entire evening played itself out in Ruby’s mind, slow motion and she fell back on the bed.  “It was bad enough,” she mumbled to herself, “that I had to put up with that shitty sex but to know that he never really appreciated me from the beginning, well, that just plain sucks.”  Ruby got off the bed and started pacing the room getting more and more angry.  “Of all the men I could have, all the men who desire me, I end up with a fag.  Well, screw the wining and dining and apartment and screw you never again Brett.  You certainly live up to your name, right up the old keister.”  Then realizing her coffee was ready, Ruby fixed a mug and sat by the phone.  There was only one person she wanted to talk to this morning.

            Candi sleepily answered on the fourth ring.  “Hey, what’s up?”

            “Candi, it’s Ruby and I really need to see you.  I’m at the Howard Johnsons on Riverbend Ave and, well, I really just need a friend right now.  I know you’re probably feeling like shit, I know I am, but I really need to talk.  I can get the room for another day, or I can check out by 11:00 and come over to see you.  I don’t have a car so if you could come to see me, I’ll just extend my stay.  I’m really a mess this morning, in more ways than one.”

            Totally out of character for Ruby, she suddenly broke down and balled her eyes out.  “Please Candi”, she begged.

            “My God Ruby, of course I’ll come right over, like, I’m your friend and like we had the best time last night.  I just gotta shower and brush my teeth cause my breath could double kill a corpse this morning.  Then I’ll like be there in about an hour if that’s O.K., cause I have to call Gari first to make sure he can drive me and like last night we really got to know each other and all.  He’s into environment harmony and when I had to puke before we got to my place he pulled over by these prickly shrubs on some side street near my house and told me to puke right into them and that would make them bloom quicker.  Man, he’s so smart and I felt real good about helping the environment.  O.K., I gotta go get ready so I can come over real soon.  Just hang in there and if you do feel like puking try and do it in some prickly shrubs.  Bye.”

            It was a good thing the aspirin Ruby took was easing her headache a bit because listening to Candi on a Sunday morning was worse than any pulpit preacher.  At least she would serve as a distraction and right now that was exactly what Ruby needed.